Inevitable
by EpicMickeyX
Summary: Midoriya Izuku isn't sure he's ready for the inevitable that's to come with being an adult, he may have grown up some but he fears he'll never be as ready as he feels everyone needs him to be. In an attempt to stave off the inevitable for just a little longer, Izuku accepts an offer to visit his estranged father living in America. Ratings may change as the story goes on.
1. Chapter 1

**Text Written in Italics is them speaking in English, regular text is them speaking in Japanese as they are Japanese andenglish would be a second language, Also sorry for the formatting error? I transffered this over from Ao3 and it copied the unwritten HTML script.**

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Izuku didn't remember when the feeling first started, the squeezing and writhing in his chest that threatened to strangle his breathing, it was crushing him slowly but he couldn't remember the exact moment it had begun. He was growing up, new things to learn being a hero, finding steady work and keeping in touch with his mother and the now retired All Might. Though, with what he knew, Izuku had developed a habit of ducking out of plans and avoiding his newly appointed stepfather. Inko had long caught on to her son's rouse but didn't comment on it, things were left unsaid and tainted far too often over dinner when Izuku did stop in. He was a young man now, 21 and aspiring for greatness, Inko and Toshinori both agreed to let him be, hoping he would come out of whatever problem he was facing unharmed.

It wasn't until an offer trickled in, Izuku perking up when his father's voice greeted him on the other end of the phone line. He hadn't seen his biological father since he had been a young child, his last contact with him had been his mother's divorce around the time he'd graduated UA and Toshinori had begun to date his mother. Estranged as he was, Izuku accepted the offer, a few months in America, working with American heroes at an agency in Chicago. His father didn't have much influence, but he was a well-known accountant for a few agencies, and guaranteed a position for Izuku while he stayed with him. He wanted to rebuild what he had given up he had explained pleadingly over the phone. Izuku didn't have the heart to tell him "No" and the suffocating feeling was becoming overwhelming.

He hoped a few months away could put distance between himself and the inevitable, he wasn't ready, he didn't think he ever would be.

Izuku, however, wasn't expecting Inko to be as angry as she was, protesting the plan with a sharp

"I don't like that plan, Izuku you need to be close to home! You don't know what may happen in the future and you would regret not being here if something were to happen!" she snapped. A loud smack, told him she had slammed the rice cooker shut as she emerged from the kitchen in a huff, face red with incoming tears as she tried to wrap her head around the 'whys' for Izuku's sudden desire to travel. Toshinori was quiet, still settling into his role as step-father, nervously twisting his wedding band as he looked at Izuku carefully. He was still gaunt, and frailer than Izuku remembered, there was bruising on his arm, discoloration from lab work they were still conducting to try and slow the speed of his declining health. Inko sniffled, pulling his attention from Izuku to look at her, a tenderness in his eyes as her took her small hand into his larger one and caressed it softly.

"I think…it would be a good experience for Izuku, and a good chance to rebuild his relationship with his biological father. I can only do so much in a role I've never truly had to fill…though I was hoping I had been doing better in light of making it more official…" Toshinori spoke teasingly, Inko's cheek flushing red as she began to protest. Toshinori squeezed her hand and Izuku's chest seized along with it, more unspoken words, between two people who had fit together so jarringly it always gave Izuku a sense of whiplash how quickly his mother and Toshinori had hit it off. A few dates had led to Toshinori moving in to the family apartment, Izuku walking in on soft kisses on the couch on a Friday night, some old tv show rerun on as they talked in hushed voices.

His mother had never looked happier, not even the fragments of memory he had of her with his real father, her smile was always stilted, tired. A young, single mother whose husband supported them from overseas, but he refused to come home for holidays or birthdays, when he did come home they always fought. Izuku could remember a shouting match that had led to his father being gone by morning, and Inko sobbing on the couch long into the wee hours, Izuku hadn't slept that night and missed school that day. His mother and him spending a day together, he could see her fight back tears all day, but his father's support for them never waned. He had been a steady financial rock, until Inko had decided enough was an enough, and she took on Toshinori's last name.

"Mom, I'm not staying permanently, I just would like some time to see another place, I never studied abroad and Hisashi is letting me stay with him while I am there, it'll be like an internship…when a few months have passed I promise I'll come back…and if something happens I can book a flight straight home." Izuku explained, trying to keep the strain out of his voice, Toshinori's gaze boring into him causing the burn of tears unshed to pile at the back of throat. He couldn't look at him.

"I know, I know…It's just…" her hand squeezed Toshinori's hand tightly,

"With Toshi's health the way it is…" she tried again, her voice wavering. Toshinori cut in, kissing her forehead once he was finished

"Like I'm going to let myself keel over without seeing my son. I have words of wisdom to impart before I go chasing afterlife…I'm not going anywhere anytime soon Inko." He murmured softly, Izuku masking a wheeze with a light chuckle and a forced smile. It was agreed he'd stay for three months, and be back sooner if Toshinori's health should take a turn for the worst. He felt lighter leaving their apartment that night, the promise of a short reprise from the suffocation he felt couldn't come soon enough, though he had to stay for a wedding.

Against all odds, Bakugo and Uraraka were getting married, many had claimed to see it coming but for Izuku he was ever surprised they'd managed to stay together as long as two years with Kacchan's winning personality. He was happy, watching the girl he'd loved in high school walk down the aisle towards someone who made her strive to be better, to be stronger. If Izuku were a weaker man, he might have been jealous of his childhood friend for stealing his ex-girlfriend, but they he and Uraraka had broken things off mutually. Izuku wasn't sure what he wanted just yet, fears and doubts holding him back, and the slow suffocation of his feelings made it hard to be loving in the ways Uraraka deserved. He congratulated her at the reception along with many of their former classmates, wishing her a good marriage in the coming years.

Even Todoroki made it to the ceremony, the up and coming number 4 hero, he barely seemed to have time to even catch a drink with friends these days. Izuku cherished the memory, all of his friends from school gathered to celebrate a worthy occasion. Though, he felt withdrawn, the suffocation still crushing him from the inside out as the party wore on, Todoroki nearly startled him when he approached his hiding spot towards the back of the room. Izuku feigned his mood as anxiety towards seeing his father for the first time in years, something Todoroki partly related too as he had been distancing himself from Endeavour's influence. It was nice to talk about anything but Toshinori's health, it was a wedding, he didn't need to bring his stepfather's matter into it and sour the mood. Though he could sense the question loaded on everyone's tongues as they watched him out of the corner of their eyes, worry etched into their faces with each wracking breath Izuku took; like they were waiting for him to break. Todoroki hummed softly, his drink made a clinking nose as the ice cubes bumped back and forth.

"Make sure you tell us how America is, I hear their system for hero work is a night and day difference compared to ours, also take plenty of pictures. Maybe pick up and autograph for Iida, he hasn't said it but the Race car hero, Hot Rodd? I think it the name, he's pretty popular over there and had a quirk almost the same as Iida's family." Todoroki kept his thoughts from drifting to terrible places, Izuku silently praised him for it, though he could guess it was intentional. He nodded, laughing out a promise to see about getting the autograph for Iida, leaving a full glass of champagne on the table with no intention of drinking it; his stomach was in knots, and his chest ached.

The day came and he was well wished up and down the airport by his mother, her kisses were innumerable as she cried heavily into his UA hoodie,

"You call me as soon as you land! I don't care how late it is, you call!" she sobbed, Toshinori resting his massive hands on her round shoulders.

"Inko, Inko, he will, Izuku will call and you won't have to worry! Hisashi finalized everything with us the morning, he will be there to pick him up and we can video chat with him once he's settled. Hun, you're going to dehydrate crying like this." He chided gently, rubbing her shoulders soothingly. Inko cupped her cheeks and tried to stifle her cries,

"You have you English book right? You know the phrases too?" she asked for what felt like the millionth time to Izuku, but he knew it was only her second time asking. His English was good, writing it he struggled but speaking he could hold conversations, he knew Hisashi's address too in case something happened or Hisashi pulled a no-show.

Izuku made to reply but Toshinori beat him to the punch,

"Inko, Izuku has been speaking great English for two years now, we've watched him direct tourists for UA sports festivals and also watching him work under pressure with English speakers, he will be fine." He sighed, allowing Inko to sink into him with her sniveling. Izuku smiled warmly, giving one last hug before he needed to board his plane, he hesitated looking to Toshinori, yet made no move to embrace him. Izuku didn't miss the hurt that flashed within the blue eyes; his chest constricted and he hurried into the boarding line, eyes forward, not even sparing a glance back. He provided his ticket and was off, seated by a window and watching take off with muted excitement. His chest stayed tight, loaded air the refused to make an exit, a coiling guilt formed in his throat as he thought of the action not committed. He'd blatantly refused the man who meant everything to him, his role model, and his father.

Toshinori had filled the space Izuku sorely lacked, he hadn't had a strong figure to look up to besides All Might growing up, Hisashi had been out of the picture. For Izuku to refuse him…the man who made his mother smile like sunshine, the man who had taken a role left unfilled for both Izuku and Inko…he felt deplorable. Izuku's stomach lurched as the plane took off, though he felt part of it was due to the guilt slowly taking its course through him, it would be a long flight, with layovers in Europe. A few hours spent in a terminal hoping his luggage made it, alone with his thoughts. Especially if he was trying to conserve battery life on his phone, he didn't want to go looking for a charging port and somehow miss his flight and be stuck in another country that wasn't his destination.

His rolling stomach made it hard to nap, though the flight attendant brought him a bottle of water and crackers when the person sharing that row of seats complained Izuku looked ready to be sick. They helped push the feeling in his stomach off, and he was left with the tightness in his chest and strain in his throat, and hum in his head. He was glad that things proved uneventful for the rest of the trip, even if in Chicago they almost didn't let him have his hero costume. Providing his hero license and passport hadn't been enough for security, phoning several registration departments and finally being transferred to the Japan branch just to verify he was indeed the hero, Deku. He partly regretted allowing the metal mouth piece to stay apart of his costume so long, but he wasn't about to go changing his look just because a few security guards got antsy putting his luggage through a metal detector.

The airport terminal was huge too, Izuku felt a little overwhelmed proceeding to the designated entrances and exits, the large kanji forms written on poster board caught his attention first before the man holding it registered in his mind. He looked a little tired, and reminded Izuku of his mother when he really looked at him, he was a little pudgy and looked a little fidgety standing there with the sign. Hisashi must have given Izuku his unruly hair because the matt of black curls on his head reminded him of his high school teacher, Aizawa. He approached warily, thinking of what kind of greeting would be suitable for a man that had been absent from his entire life. Hisashi spotted him finally, eyes going wide and he smiled weakly, tucking the sign under his arm.

"…"

"…"

Neither spoke as the stood before one other, Izuku being a few inches taller, he could see freckles dotting his father's face, and the same kind of chin he supposed, trying to find where he and his father looked similar. Hisashi stood, looking Izuku up and down before settling on meeting his eyes,

"You look so much like you're mom, I'm…surprised." Izuku swallowed thickly, hearing his own language in a terminal filled with English speakers, though the words sounded thick on Hisashi's tongue.

 _"So I've been told. You're not in a lot of photos, so I was never able to compare."_ Izuku managed to keep himself from tripping over his words, speaking clean English with only a slight accent to accompany it. Hisashi looked surprised before scratching his cheek anxiously,

" _Ah…are you, hungry?_ " he offered, the air turning thick with an awkward tension.

" _Let me get my luggage first._ " Izuku huffed, turning back to the luggage pick up a few meters away, Hisashi frowned, pointing to the case containing Izuku's hero costume.

" _Isn't that it?_ " he asked, Izuku didn't answer, hurrying over as he could see his bag come into view, he didn't feel like explaining everything, Hisashi worked with heroes after all, he could figure it out. Hisashi remained where he stood, watching for Izuku's return, noting the larger suitcase trailing behind the young man when he did return.

" _So, uh, where did you have in mind, I've never been to Chicago, or America_ really." Izuku stated, following Hisashi out of the terminal, his father nodding along

" _It's a little late some places are closed but I know a diner near my apartment that's open late_ night." Hisashi explained fumbling for his car keys as they approached an old looking, red sedan.

" _That sounds_ ok." Izuku replied, placing his bags in the trunk and awkwardly clambering into the car, Hisashi smiled awkwardly as he turned the engine over.

"I'm sure it's easier for you to speak Japanese than English, you don't have to keep speaking English for my sake." He offered, pulling out of the parking lot, Izuku nodded stiltedly.

"Ok, that's fine." He replied, focusing on the scenery they began to pass as Hisashi took them to their destination. Izuku pulled out his phone and dialed his mother, it would be nearly noon over there, so he wasn't surprised when she picked up on the first ring.

"Izuku! Did you make it, was he there? Did you get your luggage? How is it so far? Are you feeling some Jetlag?" she fired off a round of questions Izuku answered in kind, she seemed pleased with his responses.

"Alright, you get some rest after having a proper meal and call me sometime tomorrow ok?" she asked before a pregnant pause filled the line

"…Do you want to talk to Toshinori?" she asked softly, Izuku's sucked in a breath,

"No that's ok, he's resting isn't he?" he offered, he could hear shuffling on the other line and Inko sighed

"He's up and about, he's available to talk too, Izuku, please?" Inko pleaded, his chest squeezed.

"Not right now, we're about to get food, maybe later." He sighed, closing his eyes and leaning against the headrest of the seat, Hisashi watched carefully with slight concern.

"…ok." Inko replied, wishing him lots of love and a few kisses over the phone. Izuku looked out the window, trying to keep his breathing regular in the silence of the car.

"Are you and…uh, what's his name, Toshiki? Are you two fighting?" he asked carefully, Izuku reacted quickly shaking his head vigorously.

"No! No, I-…there's a lot of stuff going on. Things are weird I guess." He managed, hugging himself loosely.

"…We can talk about it you know…I mean, I am trying to be there for you, I'm not trying to take his place Izuku. I promise, I've already made the mess, I can't take back my actions but I can try and make it up to you?" he offered, Izuku shook his head again.

"It's fine, there isn't anything to talk about, I'm just tired." He mumbled, watching skyscrapers dotted with lights pass by in the haze of traffic. Hisashi remained silent, things were going nowhere fast between himself and Izuku and he could sense and underlying issue buried in his son's tone, though he hadn't heard from or seen the young man in years.

"Also, his name is Toshinori." Izuku stated, eyes glued to the cityscape as Hisashi braked at a stoplight. The air was heavy with a tension unfamiliar to Hisashi having never been around his own son for very long, it felt strange, to actually have his son near him. To see the young man he had become, and to see the sour expression on his face. His son was 21, and clearly with a lot on his mind, too much for a young man. He was a hero, but Izuku didn't seem to be dwelling on his work, he was dwelling on an issue at home, something Hisashi wasn't allowed in on. He kept quiet as he parked the car, looking to Izuku with a stiff smile.

"This place has the best steak and eggs I've ever had, then again this is the only place I've really eaten out at, most places tend to make Japanese cuisine a little too salty around here, though if you prefer home style foods, I know a place with decent soba." Hisashi explained, waiting for Izuku's response before getting out.

"No, this is fine, this place looks pretty good and I'm curious to try some more American foods, I like hamburgers and stuff like that." Izuku murmured, exiting the car. Hisashi sighed heavily, not sure with how to proceed, he was hoping for things to be ok between him and Izuku but he figured that was a selfish thought. He had been absent for most of Izuku's life, he couldn't just step in, Izuku had a stepfather, who seemed to being a good job of making Inko happy, and helping Izuku achieve his dreams.

They were seated in a booth and Izuku glanced through the menu, brow furrowed as he flipped between breakfast foods and hamburgers, tsking quietly when he seemed to come to an impasse between pancakes and a cheeseburger with fries. Hisashi smirked

"You're here for a little while, I come to this place at least once a week, Izuku." He gestured to his gut with a chuckle, a small sense of triumph when Izuku snickered and flashed him a lopsided grin.

" _Oh! My, my, Hisashi you forgot to tell me your son was coming._ " Izuku turned to the source of the voice, a little off put by the cheery tone, and strange accent she had to her English. A plain looking woman approached with a note pad, warm smile directed at the both of them.

" _Ah…Sorry, I got so wrapped up preparing for his visit I might have forgotten to tell you._ " he smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. She hmphed quietly in mock anger while Izuku tried to read her name tag, it was a pretty normal name he assumed, Rebecca. Probably common in America, though when he went to say her name his light accent stumbled over the 'R' and he flushed before gesturing to the pancakes with strawberries, keeping his mouth shut. She chuckled softly and looked over to Hisashi with a tired look

" _Steak and eggs I assume?_ " she teased, watching him grin slyly.

" _You know me so well._ " He replied as she took his menu, Izuku leaned back and rested his eyes briefly, denying coffee when offered so he could sleep properly the rest of the evening.

"How's Inko doing?" Hisashi asked, taking a long draw of black coffee from the mug Rebecca had dropped off. Izuku hummed

"She went back to University, got a degree that allows her to stay home with Toshinori…his health is…not good right now." Izuku murmured, tracing the rim of his water glass with a calloused finger. Hisashi's eyes widened slightly, noting Izuku's expression he didn't press about Toshinori's health;

"That's great, I always felt partly guilty she left so she could raise you…It definitely wasn't my proudest moment, deciding to come here for work and leaving you two behind." He stated, staring into his mug. Izuku remained silent, contemplating his reply

"It doesn't matter now, that's in the past, she likes her new job, and it's a graphic design degree so she stays home working on projects and looking after him." Izuku explained. Hisashi nodded,

"How about you? How is being a pro-hero treating you?" he asked, watching Izuku's demeanor change completely

"It's everything I would've hoped it to be." His eyes lit up, filling with what Hisashi assumed to be pride in his work.

"I help people who need it, I keep people safe…sure somedays things get dicey but when people see me, they smile because they know they're safe." Izuku breathed, a warm, tender smile made him look younger, like a boy full of hope.

"Just like All Might, Yeah?" Hisashi asked, a soft smile as he went to take another drink of coffee when Izuku physically recoiled at the statement. His smile cracked in and instant and Hisashi felt more shut out than before. Izuku couldn't breathe, his throat was closing up quickly, and he swallowed it down and gripped the table squeezing his eyes shut, willing the feeling to go away.

"No. Nothing like him." Izuku whispered, barely under his breath, Hisashi moved to see what was wrong when their plates were set down, Izuku lurched up face red.

" _Thank you._ " he blurted, bowing his head and taking deep breaths, hoping the rising panic in his stomach would go away. Rebecca noticed too, looking to Hisashi with concern before retreating back to her station.

" _Holler if you need_ Me." she called, Hisashi barely heard the command. Staring at Izuku with wide eyes,

"Izuku. Are you alright?" he asked carefully, the young man in question forced a nod,

"I'm fine, you just…caught me off guard. I try not to compare myself to him." Izuku replied, reaching for his silverware. Hisashi could only nod in reply, words were failing him, and maybe having Izuku stay with him had been a bad idea. Clearly, there was something major brewing back in Japan, something Izuku wanted to be away from. A soft whimper caught his attention, Izuku hummed in delight at getting a meal that wasn't airport terminal to-go and to be honest he hadn't had a pancake quite like this back home. It seemed sweeter, with a buttery texture that paired well with the strawberry mixture drizzled on top.

Hisashi grinned, cocking his head to the side

"You seem to be enjoying those, I used to get those a lot when I was younger, and they were cheaper. But then Rebecca convinced me to try the steak and eggs one night and I have yet to go back to pancakes." He said, cutting a bite out of his steak, scooping up part of the egg whites with it. Izuku took another bite, this time with a chunk of strawberry, his stomach was still in knots but he felt himself relaxing slightly with the food being so comforting.

"Also, I have a room set up for you, it was an office but I put a bed in there and a dresser…in case you'd like to visit more if I don't screw this all up. Though you're not a little boy, so you might not want to stay with your old man that often." He spoke lightly, looking lost in thought. Izuku hummed his acknowledgement,

"If it's only visits there isn't much of a point in me looking for a permanent address, though I can tell you I'm not much of an adult either? I still wear hero themed pajamas to bed, and my house looks like a fanboy's dream come true." Izuku chided himself. Hisashi laughed breathily

"Izuku, if it makes you happy, then I don't think there's anything wrong with your apartment looking like a fanboy's dream come true. I used to collect stuff when I was a kid but my father threw that all out when I got to high school so I'd focus on my studies. It only partly worked, instead I chased after girls." He chuckled, Izuku listening as he lamented about his youth.

"Is that how you met her, mom?" he asked, playing with the edge of a pancake. Hisashi sighed and took another draw of coffee and set the mug down,

"No. I met her in college…she was actually working to save up to go to the university I was attending but things don't always work out. We hit it off rather quickly, got married really young, and she worked while I went to school to get my business and accounting degree. Then you came along, and I realized I was not ready to be a dad at all. I panicked, and did something stupid by taking a job over here in America…then it all kind of fell apart." Hisashi offered, Izuku staring him down, he could see a bit of anger in his eyes; but if Izuku had something to say he didn't say it. Izuku bit back the words on his tongue, bitter and resentful towards a man he barely knew who left his mother alone to raise him, he may have sent his support over in the form of checks; but Izuku had been a child. He didn't understand that his father was working for his sake when he was a boy, he just knew that his father wasn't in the picture, and that his mother was hurting because of it. Hearing it from the horse's mouth, Hisashi's reason for leaving, Izuku felt his spine crawl and stomach threaten to spit back what he'd eaten as a thought crossed his mind.

Maybe it would've been best for him not to be born.

Izuku felt bile rising in his throat and he swallowed it down with a drink from his water, praying the nausea that surfaced with the thought was only temporary, he hoped both were fleeting as his lungs sucked in air. Hisashi blinked in clear confusion, concern hidden in his eyes as he watched the younger man squirm in his seat, his appetite clearly gone.

"How about we get the rest to go, I'm sure you're ready for some proper rest and a shower?" he asked, Izuku nodding slowly as his stomach churned and mind raced for a probable explanation as to why the thought would even cross his mind. Izuku had read something somewhere, an after thought in the grand scheme of things, a word associated with thoughts of death or harm no one would truly act on, the call of the end. He chalked it up to that while the air was heavy with silence as they placed the rest of their meal in Styrofoam containers and Hisashi paid. Rebecca seemingly puzzled as Hisashi always finished his meal at the diner, but she made no comment when she looked back to his son, pale and grim in the booth staring at the pepper flake colored table top.

The drive to Hisashi's apartment was short, quiet, and reminded Izuku of the countless drives he'd made with his mother to see Toshinori in the hospital before his mother had gotten her stay at home job, and before Toshinori realized he couldn't do many of the things he normally could. The man who had once been the strongest Izuku had ever know, was suddenly frail, his coughing fits becoming a daily occurrence; keeping Izuku up at night when he still lived with them. Inko's soft voice filtering in between choking breaths, soothing and nurturing as she stayed up with him until Toshinori could sleep.

Izuku liked his room that Hisashi had prepared, it had a bed, desk, and dresser for his clothes while he stayed. Amusingly, the bed spread was All Might themed, a short laugh as Izuku thumbed over the comforter and looked to Hisashi.

"I'm a little old for this kind of bedding…" he breathes, setting his suitcase to the side. Hisashi coughs

"Not from what you said about your apartment back home. Though I admit the bedding is a little childish looking, we can go look at others tomorrow if you'd like, after I get off work?" he asked, leaning in the door way.

"No, it's fine…" Izuku was glad the bedding lacked any images of his stepfather, it was just the pattern of one of his old costumes,Hisashi wasn't wrong, Izuku had admitted to his fanboy tendencies, but he hadn't admitted most of his All Might memorabilia had ended up in boxes when he could feel pressure peaking in his chest just glancing at the former hero. A few things remained, treasured items or ones that held more importance to him, but many posters and pictures were stashed away in an attempt to find some peace from the tightness that was constantly threatening him, and now, he hoped being away from Toshinori and such a familiarity would bring that piece. That distance would make it easier, and his thought would stop turning to lurid and heinous.

"Alright, I'll let you get some rest, you don't start until the day after tomorrow so you'll have the place to yourself, feel free to go exploring too. There is a spare key by the door for you, goodnight." Hisashi explained with a warm smile, Izuku returned it, glad he had decided to come and stay for a while.


	2. Chapter 2

**Text Written in Italics is them speaking in English, regular text is them speaking in Japanese as they are Japanese and english. I was not kidding about that slow burn though, what was supposed to be 3 parts is becoming multiples.**

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Izuku fell into a pattern as quickly as he could, he didn't like being idle for too long and the day or so before he started work was torture. Being alone in Hisashi's apartment left too much time for his thoughts to bubble up and become a nuisance; going outside for job and to keep his training regimen only did so much. It didn't help his thoughts still pestered him through the exercise, nagging at the corners and making his stomach lurch expectantly at times. Falling into step at the agency was a God send, the work schedule was definitely different than Japan's. The American Hero society had ruled that any hero should not work more than 12 hours in succession, due to an incident a few years back when a hero caused more harm in the long run with his quirk because of sleep deprivation and the negligence of his agency to realize he had been working close to 36 hours straight.

It fascinated Izuku, listening through his crash course orientation, only having to stop his temporary boss twice for clarification. He was thrust out with a small team to patrol their designated area, then they would switch out for a meal break, then return to patrol. Izuku introduced himself and did his best to understand their jargon, a few members spoke quickly and in slang terms Izuku had never heard, only learning proper English as he grew up. It didn't deter his coworkers, quickly catching him up to speed with their foreshortened words, and some codes they used for situations that occurred regularly in the area. He learned this team rarely called for backup, because their leader possessed an extremely strong quirk that sent a chill up his spine. It reminded him too much of the Hero Killer's, though he knew they were different it still caused an involuntary shiver when the quirk was described. The hero, Vampira, was out on maternity leave, hence Izuku's addition to their team as they were short one.

" _Here, I have a picture of her, before she was out on leave of course!"_ the newly appointed leader cheered, pulling out his phone and showing a woman with dark hair and pointed teeth smiling next to the hero, they were posing for a selfie in front of a defeated villain. Izuku smiled and nodded in approval

" _She looks tough."_ He replied, following the team into their patrol area. The team leader, named Sticker Bush, continued to boast about their previous leader's feats, all in agreement they had not seen it coming when she announced her and her husband were expecting.

" _We didn't even know she was married!"_ one added with a good-hearted chuckle; Izuku grinned, enjoying the banter between these American heroes before remembering to ask about Hot Rodd, they all snorted and sent him a light glare. He quickly held up his hands,

" _It's for my friend, Ingenium! They have similar quirks and I think he admires him!"_ he explained quickly, they settled down and continued on in great detail how Hot Rodd was actually a bit of a jerk, screwing over their agency on a few occasion but would be happy to help get an autograph. Aside from that, Izuku had to admit, he was going to like working here. It kept his mind from wandering and his new colleagues had ample stories to tell about American heroes and their own respected academies, Sticker Bush was a graduate of the top-ranked in the States while the rest were from smaller ones scattered throughout. It was nice to get to know them, he couldn't wait to tell his friends back in Japan all about them when he returned, though that wasn't for several weeks.

Patrols were quiet enough, idle chit-chat and a few suspicious characters here and there; it wasn't until the late afternoon into evening that something actually happened. An armed robbery, several suspects with powerful quirks, Izuku held back, taking a moment to assess his team member's quirks. Sticker Bush reminded him of a girl back from his UA days with the briar like hair, though Sticker's acted more like Mineta's in that he produced plant pods that were spiked and sticky, trapping one of suspect's hands. The other two seemed to have quirks that worked into tandem, on having stretchy limbs and the other shrinking in size and charging the suspects via the stretched limbs. Izuku nodded, looking for an opening before dashing in, a smash powering up as he charged the main villain, shouting orders to lackey's. In an instant with a powerful burst of wind, the leader was flung into the building, crushing brick and mortar under his weight and going still in a slump; the lackey's, his team members, and surrounding civilians gaped.

Izuku smiled sheepishly as the scene was tied up rather quickly by police, Sticker Bush and the team applauding his quirk with amazed expressions. He heard it, barely, the statement that always made his blood run cold.

" _Just like All Might! Especially when he was starting out, have you seen the footage!? Deku, trust me it's phenomenal!"_

It was only four words, really, how much damage could they cause? But he forced a wary smile and nodded, repeating he was just doing his duty as a hero. He ended his shift a few hours later with paper work turned in before his departure, slightly surprised to see Hisashi outside.

"How was work? Any different than back home?" he asked, waiting expectantly for Izuku's reply.

"Fantastic, I think it's going to be tough for me to go back to my hours in Japan, I like have a set start and end time rotation." Izuku breathed, tension draining from his body, pushing the events from his day out of his mind to try and relax properly. Hisashi helped, his tone of voice was tired but endearing, as he asked Izuku what he'd like for dinner. Though he sheepishly admitted he wasn't the best cook, Izuku smirked slightly

"You're lucky I've been on my own for a year or two, I've learned a few recipes, and I'll cook. My thanks for letting me stay with you." Izuku declared, chuckling at his father's flabbergasted face.

"Mom made sure I knew the basics before she even let me look at apartments. Though I don't always have time to cook like she insists." Izuku explained, dumping his keys on the counter when they made it back to the apartment and shucking off his shoes by the door. Hisashi hadn't kept up on the tradition of removing his shoes for house slippers here in America, but Izuku didn't feel like trekking mud and grime from the streets into his father's home, it would be rude, though Hisashi didn't seem to mind, wearing his shoes throughout the apartment.

Izuku wasn't a bad cook, pulling off two rice omelettes with only a minimal mess to clean up afterwards. Hisashi was still mildly impressed, though his eggs were a little burnt, he could see the embarrassed shade of pink in Izuku's face from across the table.

"…you didn't know my stove top didn't work properly, everyone has burned eggs and set the fire alarm off at some point in their life, it's not big deal. We didn't have to actually call the fire department you know?" he teased, causing Izuku to hunker down in his chair, slightly defeated. They settled into their meal, making use of the ketchup to help cut the bitter bits caused by the burnt eggs. Hisashi smiled, raising his gaze to meet Izuku's

"How was your first official day?" he asked. Izuku grinned excitedly, launching into his day with fervor; Hisashi relaxed, an internal tension had wound itself tight in his gut looking at Izuku. His son looked pained, and seeing his face free of it, almost as if whatever had been plaguing him had vanished from the boy's thoughts. He knew it wouldn't be a permanent fix, whatever was on the young man's mind would need to be handled before it became serious. Hisashi may only be an accountant, but he had seen countless heroes fall, too many reports of high school grads becoming pros and then succumbing to anxiety, depression, fear; they'd freeze up or willingly throw themselves into the thick of it…and wind up dead.

A chill ran up Hisashi's spine, he paused from taking a bite, watching Izuku talk. He couldn't imagine it, his son gone before he'd had a chance to build back what he gave up, gone before his parents had even been laid to rest themselves, a bright light snuffed out; yet, at the same time, his mind filled with caution to keep an eye on Izuku.

"...anyway…what exactly do you do for the agency, I know you're into accounting and all but what do you do?" Izuku asked, reaching for the ketchup bottle again with a grimace as a crunch echoed in his mouth from a burnt part.

"Ah, well, I make sure the agency doesn't go bankrupt. Essentially, I make sure everyone gets paid, including the people who file for property damage and possible lawsuits the agency might lose. It's not very interesting, I crunch numbers for the payroll and legal teams." Hisashi explained, blinking as Izuku's face lit up.

"Even if it's just a simple job, you keep the agency afloat! We wouldn't be able to operate without Hisashi Midoriya on the case!" Izuku chimed, grin going wide as Hisashi flushed awkwardly.

"I assume that's the fanboy in you…I don't even use my quirk for this kind of work Izuku…" he huffed lightly, prompting Izuku to gasp a bit as a thought occurred.

"Hisashi, actually, can I see your quirk?" Izuku clasped his hands together and smiled nervously in a pleading gesture. Hisashi snorted and sighed

"Guess I should have seen that coming, mentioning my quirk…it always baffled me how late yours came in…and how completely different it from your mother's and mine. Some weird genetics going on there if you ask me but-" he inhaled deeply and exhaled, puffing out a gust of hot air and fire. Izuku gaped, watching with wide eyes

"That's- That's amazing! Why didn't you ever try becoming a hero with that!?" Izuku called. Hisashi scratched his cheek with a weak half-smile

"Izuku, it's not a practical quirk, I can only blow fire for as long as I can exhale, I can't inhale cause I could scorch my lungs and if I'm not careful I eat up all the oxygen, especially if I were in a burning building making it worse with my quirk. I was a smart cookie come college so I figured rather than try and be brawny I'd be brainy." He explained, noting his son's twitch in his hands, like he was about to do something.

"Wow…I need to write that down! I keep notebooks, of quirks and stuff, to analyze. I want to keep note of this, see I have a friend in Japan with a fire quirk and it never occurred what could happen, well I probably thought of it once but it slipped my mind by then." Izuku muttered, hurrying back to his room to fetch a notebook. Hisashi hummed sagely, slightly amused by the development as he hadn't been expecting Izuku to find his quirk impressive or even worth noting. Though the topic of quirks left him a little curious, how long Izuku had seemed to be quirkless only for it to develop so suddenly around the time of his entrance exam.

Hisashi hadn't heard of the damage it did to begin with, not until the first sports festival, he'd stayed up late, watching the festival in his usual booth at the diner cheering on his son quietly as Rebecca would peak over his shoulder and he'd show her which was his boy. In that moment, watching Izuku shine with determination, Hisashi had felt a swell of pride. It dissipated into guilt and longing, wishing he had been a bigger part of the boy's life, but then again, would Izuku still have chosen to become a Hero? Would Hisashi have encouraged his quirkless son to pursue certain death at the hands of dreams and aspirations? He never did dwell on it, Inko had raised him into a fine young man, the one standing before Hisashi jotting down notes on his biological father's quirk…one he hadn't inherited.

"Izuku, tell me about your quirk, I must admit I have been rather swept away by it, first seeing it in action at your first sports festival." Hisashi prompted, causing Izuku's excitement to waver.

"My quirk…I guess it's hard to explain…It makes me very strong…and since I was unable to grow with it, it hurt for a long while trying to understand it." He flexed the crooked hand slowly, letting his pencil drop to the table as he sat to face Hisashi.

"It must have been something in your mother's family that gave it do you, no way something like that would come from my family…" Hisashi joked, backpedalling his thoughts when he saw Izuku's glare.

"What do you mean by that exactly?" his voice low, he hadn't meant for it to sound insulting.

"I mean for an amazing quirk like that to be yours, considering I breathe fire and so did my father, and his father, and so on. It would have to be from Inko's side, only a woman like her would have held such a powerful secret…I only ever met her parents once and both were very reclusive." Hisashi explained quickly, Izuku relaxing slightly, expression still downtrodden.

"I didn't get this quirk from mom either…I wasn't born with it hidden deep inside…I took it. From someone important…And now I'm not sure what to do when faced with the reality of the situation..." Izuku trailed off, chest squeezing tight as he cut himself off. He didn't want to finish the thought, Hisashi was looking at him with concern again, though his interest was piqued he could see that what was causing his son pain was something to do with his quirk…and the person he had apparently took it from.

"…You took someone's quirk…?" Hisashi asked and Izuku nodded his head vigorously

"I-it's my fault. They get weaker by the day, and I get stronger…I'm like a parasite." Izuku muttered, that last part causing alarm bells to go off in Hisashi's head.

"You're not a parasite! Why would you think that!?" Hisashi demanded, slight tone of anger in his voice. Izuku grimaced and closed his notebook, exiting the table quickly

"Sorry. Forget I said anything, it's not important." He smiled warily

"Just being a little too hard on myself, it's probably stress…" he added, hurrying to his room. Hisashi felt his stomach twist and he gathered up the dishes, processing the newly learned information while cleaning up after dinner.

Izuku was trying to catch his breath, holding back cries lodged in his throat as he tried to force himself back into place. He couldn't just dump all this on Hisashi, he was a guest and they barely knew each other, his mess was supposed to stay back in Japan. Not follow him all the way here to continue its onslaught of torment. He just wanted to breathe longer than a few short moments before it all came rushing back to knock the wind out of his lungs and leave him gasping and choking. Everything always had to lead back to Toshinori, things just couldn't be left alone, though Hisashi didn't know that Toshinori and the person he had taken One for All from were one in the same. Another spurt of anxiety crawled up Izuku's spine and the young man curled into bed; Hisashi was a smart man, if Izuku let too much slip it wouldn't be long before his father would connect the dots.

Work patterns helped keep his mind off everything and allowed for some avoidance of Hisashi in the coming days. The distance let Izuku regain some composure when he faced Hisashi again, this time they were meeting up for an early dinner at a food truck that stopped by the agency's block every other Monday. Izuku hesitated when he fell into place next to Hisashi, who smiled awkwardly and offered him a burrito.

"…You don't have to tell me anything about what's going on with you and the person you got your quirk from." Hisashi said in a hushed tone, sitting on the park bench they claimed.

"It just looks like…you're hurting and as your father, granted I haven't been there for you, it still worries me to see you so troubled." Hisashi finished, playing with the foil wrapper idly. Izuku nodded stiffly

"Sorry for worrying you, things are weird…like I said when we were driving back from the airport…thank you for understanding. I would like to avoid thinking about it farther as I do want to enjoy Chicago properly without invasive thoughts." Izuku explained, his mind going back the comment on his own birth. His appetite died in an instant thinking back to it with a grimace he hid in taking a bite of the burrito and trying to savor the dulled flavor. Food had lost its appeal, even though mere moments ago he had jokingly tried to outdo his teammate in a 'who was hungrier' contest using expressions they were trying to familiarize Izuku with.

He felt the meal would have been better had he not spent the most of it trying to force it down, his stomach rolling and making him feel uneasy. Hisashi sighed heavily, practically melting into his burrito which Izuku only slightly envied. A couple passed by, seemingly catching Hisashi's attention before his look turned sly.

"So, Izuku, got any girls back home?" he teased, watching his son nearly choke on the bite he had just taken.

"No! Oh my god, why would you ask that?" He protested weakly, causing a deep-bellied laugh to erupt from Hisashi.

"Because I'm curious about it, I want to know whether or not my son's a ladies' man." Hisashi huffed, calming down from his laughter. Izuku fidgeted, playing with the foil and worrying his lip, muttering something under his breath.

"Hm?" Hisashi frowned, not quite catching it.

"…There was a girl in high school…but we broke things off for the better, we're still friends but…there's not really another girl I'm interested in." Izuku mumbled, taking another bite. Hisashi blinked

"A boy then…?" he asked carefully, watching the young man jerk and the tips of his ears go red, he didn't answer and instead chewed his food slowly, his stomach rolling for another reason.

"…Izuku?" Hisashi continued, making sure his tone was gentle and without anything that could spook the young man before him.

"…you're not wrong; but um, I'm attracted to both…it's just at the moment there is one guy in particular that I would like to get closer too…We've just been so busy…and I've been a bit of a mess lately. Relationships just seem like extra work that I can't afford." Izuku rubbed his neck nervously, Hisashi scoffing lightly.

"Or it could help lessen your burdens, being a couple isn't just about having kids you know, you have to be supportive of each other, though I can say I am not the best example nor should I have a right to give relationship advice given how things with your mother ended." Hisashi stated, watching a jogger give him a funny look as he overheard the quick spoken Japanese.

"He has his own things to deal with, I don't want him to worry about me while he tries to work through his things. He's making great progress actually…from what I heard the last time we talked anyway. Which was actually the wedding of my childhood friend turned bully and the girl I dated in high school." Izuku finished quickly, Hisashi giving him a slightly stunned look.

"…you attended the wedding of a man that bullied you in your youth and your ex-girlfriend?" he asked after a long pause, which had Izuku nibbling on his burrito nervously.

"Yeah, I mean, we stayed friends. Uraraka and me, though I guess I have to start calling her Bakugo now? As for Kacchan…he's calmed down a bit, he's not so bad anymore. Though I still get anxious when he's angry." Izuku explained, Hisashi noting the faraway look in his eyes and the contented smile.

"I'm happy for her at least, that she found someone who can ignite that drive to be better…" Izuku mumbled. Hisashi hummed thoughtfully before taking a bite and chewing slowly, letting the words sink in before giving any rash opinion of the odd couple Izuku had just described as being happy for. After a moment, he felt he might be able to relate to the man, realizing he too was happy for another, his ex-wife.

"I think, I can relate to you on this feeling. Feeling happy for someone because they found a better counterpart than you yourself could be. I know when the divorce finalized and Inko explained she was getting remarried I was angry at first. I know I had no right to be, pushing her away all these years, treating you and her so poorly with my neglect and lack of being there for you. Though, I remember when the anger dissipated, I was happy for her, hearing how Toshinori treated her how I should have. I would hope that reconnecting with you could also open the door to talking with her again, as acquaintances if anything." Hisashi mused, Izuku watching closely with his brow furrowed.

"It's funny how things play out I guess…I would have never thought we would share something similar in experience- Ah! That was rude, sorry. I don't mean to sound like I disapprove of the shared experiences it's just unexpected that I've only been here a week and a few days and yet…realizing we're kind of the same I guess…Not in every way but in little things. Like being happy for our exs." Izuku muttered the last part under his breath, causing Hisashi to chuckle.

They finished their meal in a comfortable silence, watching the sunset and the street lights flicker on as the silence stretched well into the evening hours. Izuku watched a few fire flies begin their rounds from his spot on the bench, smiling fondly at the blinking bugs.

"Forgive me if I am prying but, what is Toshinori like?" Hisashi asked, breaking the silence as he crumpled his wrapper while he wrung his hands together, sitting up as he did.

"Why would it be prying?" Izuku asked, Hisashi could see the shift in expression, from one of a calm peacefulness to a storm brewing over in his eyes. Izuku looked like something was at his throat with such a grim expression.

"Because he's not exactly my friend, nor have I met him beside his voice in the background of your phone calls home…I'd like to know what kind of man he is." Hisashi explained, giving Izuku a hopeful, pleading expression that could be made out in the low light. He nodded a bit

"That makes sense I guess…I'd want to know about the people in my son's life if I were in your position I suppose…" Izuku murmured softly before sighed heavily, his throat going tight.

"He's a hero. That's the kind of person he is…not to make him sound all mighty or powerful…it's just that he was there before I even really began to think of him as a father. He helped me get stronger so I could achieve my dreams, he supported me when I needed it and gave me confidence when I would tear myself down. It was a little strange at first, you could tell he'd never been a mentor before but he did his best and stood by me when mom thought about pulling me out of the hero course. He's become a constant part of my life…" he trailed off with a whimper stuck in his throat and he swallowed it back.

"I see…he sounds like a strong man, to be able to handle you and your quirk. Especially when you had little control…" Hisashi hummed, leaning back feeling more at ease when the man who had taken his role. That didn't quell the worry boiling inside of why Izuku looked so pained to speak of him, or continually avoid talking to him phone call or skype, always coming up with something last minute and quickly ending the call before the man had a chance to speak or appear on screen. Inko always fixed her son with a slightly miffed look when Izuku quickly made his escape, intending to get away from the computer before Toshinori hurried over to try and catch Izuku, it would be amusing if it were not for the underlying issues Hisashi was detecting.

He didn't pressure Izuku though, the young man seemed to have enough on his plate, he didn't want to be added to it as the overbearing, estranged parent trying to force their way back into their child's life. He told himself to be patient silently and watched Izuku for a moment longer before sighed softly and stretching as he stood.

"We should get back to the apartment, we've both got work in the morning and I am sure you would like to take a shower after working so hard." Hisashi said, a soft yet tired smile making its way onto his face. Izuku returned it, though it looked a little more exhausted and weary.

They made it back with little to no incident, Izuku was off clock so it wasn't like he could go bursting in either, it was one of the few things Izuku disliked about the America system. If he was off clock and a crime was occurring the most he could do is call his agency and keep tabs on the scene, if he got involved while off clock it would be considered vigilantism, which could result in either a small fine to his pay or a suspension of his license for a short period of time. The suspension troubled him more than a dock to his wages but he wasn't about to go throwing himself into trouble. His boss had been sure to warn him of that policy is also stemming from the case that created the laws that controlled how long his work shifts were.

He showered and cleaned up, putting on pajamas that were a little thicker in weight, it was getting colder, his visit had started towards the end of September and he was noticing the change, though Hisashi had complained it was too mild for October last year, and now it seemed like it was going to be too cold.

"I suppose this might be your first official _Halloween_ celebration coming up." Hisashi huffed offhandedly, channel surfing as Izuku settled on the couch with a glass of water, intending to drink it before he went to bed. His attention perked at the word 'Halloween' it sounded strange but he had heard of the holiday before.

" _Halloween…?"_ He asked, phrasing it more like a question so Hisashi would explain further. He nodded and hummed

"I'm sure you've heard of it, it's like the Obon Festival, though here it's more about costumes and candy for little kids and Americans. The Mexicans celebrate the Day of the Dead, which is more like Obon than the American _Halloween_." Hisashi explained. Izuku nodded

"Which do you tend to celebrate more? I will just go along with whatever you normally do…" Izuku offered, prompting a short nod from Hisashi.

"I haven't been to family graves in years, I've been a pretty terrible son in that department…I tend to maybe put on a hat or dragon costume, gets a laugh out of the _trick-or-treaters."_ He huffed waving his hands

"As long as they get their candy I guess, I know the agency holds a party, you may want to look into going. It would be good for bonding with your teammates outside of work, though if you're on call be prepared to meet a few crazies." Hisashi grunted, rolling his eyes as he shut the TV off. Izuku nodded, polishing off his glass of water in a few deep gulps before setting the glass in the kitchen and making his way into bed.

He hadn't really thought much of how Hisashi's culture would be lost, though living in America for nearly 19 years, he could see how a person would lose touch with what they had grown up with. Thinking of the Obon festival, Izuku remembered this previous one, before Toshinori's health began to falter. They had gone to his mentor's grave, Izuku had helped Toshinori clean it and Inko had prepared a picnic lunch. It had been a warm day in early July, Inko had teasingly put her sun hat on Toshinori, claiming he was turning pink because he refused to put on sun lotion. He had complained about that hat but let it stay as he did not freckle like Inko or Izuku would. He would burn up while his wife and step-son would turn spotted, Inko's fading in a few days while Izuku would stay a freckly mosaic.

Izuku could remember in clear detail how nice that day had been, he was about to turn 21, he was slowly climbing rank and his parents were proud of him. Toshinori had finished off a Popsicle and turned to Izuku with a broad smile,

"It's mean a lot that you came with us Izuku…I know you've got to be swamped with Hero work but it's nice that you came. I hope to be able to tell you more about her someday…and that, when I can't be here for you anymore…that you'll do this for me; that you'll come with your mother and see me. Don't make her come alone during the Obon Festival, ok?" Toshinori's voice had gone low and peaceful, content in his eyes as he looked over to Inko packing up the remnants of their lunch. He was thin and boney, shadows hard and defined on his face from the hat but Izuku could see the care and love in the expression, the freshly cleaned grave behind him as he coughed lightly and cut through the serenity of the moment. Izuku had smiled and promised him that much then, but now the mere thought of having to look at a head stone with his mentor and step-father's name carved upon it sickened him and threatened to wrench a sob from him.

He wasn't ready for that, yet the day seemed to be approaching faster than he could help it, not long after the festival Toshinori collapsed. Inko had called his agency in a panic and so began the trips back and forth, the sleepless nights, and the fear…and the guilt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Text Written in Italics is them speaking in English, regular text is them speaking in Japanese as they are Japanese and English. I was not kidding about that slow burn though, what was supposed to be 3 parts is becoming multiples.**

 **Also, the rating is going to have to go up because Suicidal thoughts and actions are taken to attempt Suicide occur this chapter. This is a _trigger warning_ , it's not a usual way to try but he still does _try._ Please be mindful. I don't want to upset anyone but this chapter has been in the works since the last update, I put a lot of thought into the situation, I'm sorry.**

* * *

Hisashi had not been lying about crazy people and villains flocking to the month of October like a hoard of moths to a raging bonfire. Izuku barely had time to enjoy the local festivities beyond pulling double shifts because so many newbies would get hurt because the villains and suspects that came out to start something during October came out dressed to the nines. It wasn't just a bank robbery to them, it was a do or die robbery taking as many as they could with them. It kept his mind off the issues at home but it did nothing to quell his anxiety that was beginning to bleed into his work; American villains were ruthless but it seemed to get worse come the month of Halloween, it was definitely a trend as his teammates' mood was a collection of irritation, lack of sleep, and disenchantment with their society as a whole.

 _"It's all downhill from here Deku, Christmas is coming and that means more Hell than you would think…"_ Elastix lamented over their lunch break, Sticker Bush made a noise of agreement and Izuku frowned.

 _"Really? Holidays back home are generally quieter than the rest of the year for criminal activity…it gets worse here?"_ he questioned with a worried grunt; Sticker Bush nodded and grumbled something under his breath before sitting up. They were all very tired, ready for their double shift to end and earn them a well-deserved two days off just in time for Halloween meaning Izuku would not be on call and could attend the party if he so wished.

 _"Here villains and criminals get antsy around the holidays, it makes more work for us and lucky you, you're going home just in time as to avoid our messed up holiday scheduling. We still follow the rules but sometimes you go from shift to on call, back to shift, back to on call. You don't get proper rest, especially if there are multiple events in one day."_ he huffed, taking a swig from his water bottle and crumpling up his trash from his sandwich.

 _"But holiday pay is nice. I made bank last year…"_ Elastix chimed in with a smirk that caused Sticker Bush to snicker and nod along with him. Izuku hummed and sipped at his bottle of green tea and turned his attention to the windows lining the break room, cartoonish spider had been put up on the windows with some smiling pumpkins that resembled some of the more popular American heroes, surprisingly he could see one of All Might in the mix and it made his chest ache faintly as he tore himself away to look anywhere but the windows. Hisashi and him had hit a stalemate, they worked, ate dinner, and then would sit in a long silence while the tv droned on about the current events going on. Occasionally Izuku would appear on the local news in his hero uniform, giving a warm smile to the interviewer as he explained the situation; he always wondered if his friends were keeping tabs on his exploits over here in the States like he kept tabs on them.

Todoroki had been successful in starting up a new hero branch, the last nail in the coffin of him and his father's relationship. Yaoyorozu had jumped a few slots in the ranking after a successful rescue mission team up with Kirishima that Izuku had watched the live coverage of excitedly as they handled the disaster with ease and grace, though deep down Izuku knew they were probably stressed out of their minds. What was confusing, however, was Ochako's lack of news appearances, Kacchan was all over but she was missing from a lot of footage, even reporters were being to notice. Izuku remembered some interview footage Asui had tagged him on in one of the forums, Kacchan giving a reporter the bird and telling them to 'Fuck off, Leave my wife alone.' In his most gentle and polite tone, he could muster which wasn't either of those things, it was still cute to see him defensive of her and Izuku figured she had a reason for the time off.

The shift came to a close at 7 pm, letting Izuku make it come to flop onto the couch with a loud sigh of exasperation. Hisashi was definitely home, Izuku could hear him in the kitchen rummaging around, but sleep was what he wanted more than anything in that moment.

"Izuku?" Hisashi called, stepping out of the kitchen and noting the young man sprawled out on his couch with a soft chuckle and a heavy sigh

"Come on, don't let my hard work go to waste." He patted Izuku playfully, causing the young man to cry out in surprise and tumble to the floor followed by a series of giggles. Hisashi smiled and motioned to the kitchen

"It's been awhile but, I thought maybe we could have our own Obon celebration tonight, in case you feel like being sociable with your new friends tomorrow at the party." Hisashi offered, Izuku blinked slowly and sat up to look at his father better.

"I make some yakitori, well, as good as I could get it with my stove having a mind of its own and all. I had to order the manju though…You never met my parents and I don't expect you to know them or care for them as I did but…" he trailed off and Izuku stood.

"No, it's ok. I don't mind at all…they were important to you…Mom doesn't really talk to her parents so guess I have just gotten used to not seeing or hearing from grandparents." Izuku gave him a nervous smile and Hisashi looked surprised for a moment before settling into something warmer and peaceful. Izuku followed him to the kitchen and took note of the picture from, his didn't resemble the shrines he would see at funerals or in his friends' homes after a relative had passed. It was simpler, and photo old film as it had faded to dingy sepia color; Izuku could see the longing on Hisashi's face as he looked at the photo, this impromptu remembrance of the dead made his stomach roll at the thought of having to attend funerals in the future, he couldn't quite imagine the loss of his mother just yet but he surely could see Toshinori peacefully in his sleep even if the man had been stubborn and strong until the end. Izuku shook himself out of his thoughts in respect for his father, letting Hisashi say a few words in prayer before settling in for the meal;

"What were your parents like?" Izuku asked, setting some of the yakitori on his plate and little bit of rice. Hisashi hummed, helping himself to the food and snorting through his nose briefly before smirking at Izuku

"Hard asses." He blurted and Izuku sputtered looking at Hisashi with wide eyes.

"I'm not lying, they definitely were hard asses, they expected a lot from me growing up…and they didn't like how mousy your mom was, so I married her anyway." Hisashi mused, looking at the picture fondly.

"Mousy?"

"Meek and Mild, they felt she was too passive for someone like me, I was pushy, headstrong, caused them a lot of trouble and for me to pick someone like Inko. They thought I was going to cheat on her left and right and she wouldn't say a word…things were always rocky between me and my parents. Maybe that's why…I wanted to patch things up with you, I didn't want to be like my family. Stubborn until the day we died, being their only child I probably should take better care of them now but…Japan isn't home anymore." Hisashi grew quieter as he spoke, his last few words barely a whisper. Izuku frowned looking at the portrait of two rather straight-faced looking people, the woman wore a stern expression for someone so young and the man looked downright angry.

"I may not be as bad as my folks had been, but I guess I was partially worse, abandoning you and your mother the way I did."

"…You didn't abandon us completely…I will agree what you did was terrible and cause a great deal of pain for everyone involved, but you still helped support us up until the divorce." Izuku offered and received a tired smile in reply before Hisashi's expression turned grim and withdrawn.

"I want to bring up my reasoning for this little Obon festival, we haven't really had time to talk since things started picking up but just from those brief mentions and interactions….Izuku, did something happen between you and your step-father?" Hisashi asked, folding his hands together neatly and fixing his son with a patient look. He was worried, rightfully so given that the young man was throwing himself into work, avoiding his step-father to a point Hisashi had even received and email from Inko just a few days ago. It wasn't his place to step in but Inko had contacted him directly, not through their son but an email voicing her concerns about the young hero and where this behavior had come from.

Izuku paled, going from a tired contentedness to high alert, eyes widening by the second; it seemed all notion of continuing their meal casually was gone. Hisashi could see the walls going up, Izuku taking calming breaths as the invisible panic gripped him again, and it pained him to see his son like this. Something he couldn't control dragging such a bright and shining soul through the ringer. The air was charged with an anxious energy just waiting for the right spark to ignite it, Hisashi could see the wheels turning behind his son's eyes and took a deep breath.

"I ask this of you because if there is something wrong, I want you to tell me. I have no right to pry but the least that I ask of you is to confide in me, please?" Hisashi pleaded gently, unlinking his fingers and pressing his hands to the table earnestly.

"I may have been absent, but I think I would've had to been blind not to see the hurt you're feeling when Toshinori is brought up, you're always so quick to hide it too…" Hisashi trailed off, silently praying that Izuku would yield and tell him what was going on. He went searching Izuku's expression for any wavering movements, signs he would give in and tell him.

Izuku sat like a stone statue, mind reeling and insides curling and rolling, threatening to make him sick as he tried to steady his breathing while the pressure on his chest continued to build. It was much worse than the previous incident, and each breath was getting harder and harder to draw in, he could barely suck in enough air to prevent his vision from blurring any worse with the tears building up. Yet, he tried to save face, to follow in Todoroki's example and be still, calm, collected, just enough to make it through without breaking. Unfortunately, he was not Todoroki, he didn't have years spent bottling emotions away. Izuku was open, had cried freely his entire childhood when he took beatings from bullies and slander, had sobbed openly into his mother's embrace after graduating from U.A. and now he was trying to be someone he was not. He was not closed off and guarded like Todoroki…nor was he All Might. He couldn't smile through this, he didn't know if he would be able to manage a smile after the coming weeks hit him head-on.

Izuku could be brave and passionate, flashing a wide grin to the people his saved like his mentor, his father figure; but he was still Izuku. The will to smile through this, grin and bear the pain he felt was becoming an impossibility. He was beginning to shake as he held a shuddering breath in his lungs, the need to _breathe_ was overwhelming but he refused to take in air. He was choking on his own hesitance and Hisashi leaped out of his seat

"Izuku!?" he cried, gripping the young man's shoulders trying to get him to look at him, wide frightened eyes looking for the source if distress when a cracking sob erupted from the boy's mouth and Izuku jerked forward. Hisashi froze and Izuku inhaled finally, gasping, heaving breaths interrupted by broken sobs that sounded strangled and choked out as he shook in Hisashi's grasp and continued to cry.

"It's ok." Hisashi managed, he had never seen this of anyone he'd held close; not even Inko had cried so heavily in all his years of knowing her, never had it been this hurt and disastrous; half thinking Izuku was going to pass out from the frantic pace he was setting as he took in air.

"Izuku, try to breath slower, ok?" Hisashi soothed as the sobs lessened, it still broke his heart to hear such cries but if this continued too much longer he was going to have to take Izuku to the hospital, or somewhere that could help him calm his son. He could only watch as the boy struggled to keep his breathing even and snot and tears streamed down his face, hiccupping cries came at random and Hisashi held him tight. Izuku was taller, had a little more mass the Hisashi but that didn't deter him from holding the young man, grounding him as he rode out the storm that had been building inside him for a long time.

Hisashi had seen enough breakdowns in his life to know this was one, he had suffered one alone in his early months of being away from Inko and their young son, now cradled in his arms breaking under a pressure Hisashi couldn't take away even if he were the mightiest of men.

"Izuku, please, you need to calm down. I know it's hard but if this keeps up I'm going to have to take you somewhere that can help. Please. Take a deep breath." Hisashi instructed, watching as Izuku rasped out another cry before nodding and inhaling as deep as he could. The flow of tears began to slow, and Hisashi continued to give him commands to take deep breaths, one after the other until Izuku began to relax. They had fallen to the floor what felt like hours ago though it had only been a long few moments that had stretched too long for comfort. Dinner had gone cold by the time Izuku was calm enough to breath without command and blew his nose into a tissue, sniffling miserably on the floor. Hisashi cleaned up in silence before sinking to the floor next to his son, the box of manju set between them and he learned again the lower cabinets and looked at Izuku. His age showed, the tired circles and wrinkles from stress and wear on his body, Hisashi had never been in a situation where he had felt true fear, but watching that unfold. He wouldn't wish it on anyone.

"…Whatever it is…please, Izuku, just tell it to me as best you can?" he pleaded, watching Izuku carefully. He sniffled again and nodded slowly, he picked at one of the manju before taking a bite and chewing, he looked ready to burst into tears again and Hisashi readied the box of tissues. Izuku swallowed thickly and forced a quivering smile

"I'm sure you haven't forgotten, how I said I was like a parasite…" Izuku began and Hisashi nodded in response waiting for him to continue.

"I said that I took my quirk from someone, inherited and made it my own. In the process, I take a little more from them each day. I just take and take until there will be nothing left!" Izuku forced through gritted teeth, curling in on himself and feeling the disgust settling in his stomach as he glared at the confection in his hands. He remembered eating them with his mother around Christmas or special occasions, sometimes she would bring them home for no reason at all, and he would pretend to not notice how red and puffy her eyes looked.

"I don't believe that." Hisashi affirmed carefully, Izuku laughed, though it sounded forced and bitter,

"But that's my reality. My reality is living with this, I can't stop it and I just get to watch as it gets worse…I took it from him, my mentor…I took it from All Might…I took it from Toshi." Izuku cried, voice going tight as his stomach twisted painfully and he dropped the treat to bury his face in his hands. Hisashi blinked as everything seemed to suddenly 'click'. Hisashi had vaguely remembered the media blowing up about All Might's true from revealed but he had never paid much mind to hero stuff unless it had been about Izuku. If he looked back there had been mentions of a mentor in Izuku's life, then suddenly in walked Toshinori. They had been one in the same, the reason for Izuku's growth had been the same man.

"That doesn't mean you're a parasite…you may be getting stronger but that's your own power growing, you're not taking it from Toshinori…" he soothed only for Izuku to snap at him and give him an enraged glare

"But I am! Toshinori's health is on the decline, I have never been more scared for him…he collapsed and I've never seen mom so upset…he just keeps getting worse Hisashi…every day that I continue to grow I take a little more of him and I'm scared…I'm not ready to be All Might. I can't be All Might if I can't even manage a smile…" Izuku cried softly and Hisashi frowned.

"You don't have to be him." He stated firmly; Izuku froze and looked up with wide eyes streaming tears down his face. He looked awestruck, confusion boiling just behind the tears.

"If Toshinori…if All Might hasn't told you that you don't have to be him than he's really dropped the ball." Hisashi grunted and Izuku blinked, letting a few more tears fall.

"…you don't understand, I'm his successor, I have to stand up and become the symbol of peace." Izuku quavered only for Hisashi to snort and fix his son with a firm, yet loving stare.

"You. Are. Not. Him." He enunciated each word and pointed at Izuku and jabbed his finger into the boy's chest gently.

"You, are Izuku Midoriya. You are Deku. My son, Inko's son, Toshinori's son. You are not any symbol and you don't have to be. No man your age should shoulder the weight of the world alone. You don't have to be a standalone symbol. The Symbol of peace could be you and your team, it could be a group of people dedicated to a cause. All Might was the symbol of peace but just because you are the successor does not mean you must follow his footsteps to a T. His like has been hard, you say his health on the decline, I can tell you he got there by going alone. You don't." Hisashi proclaimed grabbing the boy's shoulder and making sure he looked into his eyes as he spoke so Izuku would see it, the brutal honesty Hisashi was laying down. Izuku looked stunned, he had never been told he had another option, it has always been assumed he would have to step up to take the place All Might had left, to smile through his own burdens and take the world head-on.

"You can smile. You can be a hero who smiles through thick and thin…but you don't have to force it. Sometimes, it is ok to let yourself cry and keep the smile for another day." Hisashi offered, pulling back to rest against the lower cabinets again and taking a manju for himself while Izuku sniffled quietly and pondered his father's words. The air was no longer charged with a thick tension of something about to break but instead was just full with a lulling silence. Izuku went to bed after a shower, exhausted from his crying while Hisashi pulled out an old book of contacts and looked up a registry for counseling centers. He had to admit he was a little miffed at Toshinori, but could not blame him. He had, had no idea that Izuku felt this way and it wasn't his place to tell him, Izuku had confided in him and if didn't want Toshinori to hear his raw thoughts just yet it was not Hisashi's place to tell them.

That didn't stop him from preparing a few numbers to call after he got off work the next day. Izuku needed to talk to someone more qualified, he would have to inform Inko he had advised their son to seek professional help, he couldn't just do that behind their backs. He didn't sleep easy, a worried knot in his stomach as he thought about Izuku, only 21 and already trying to fill a man's shoes; the man practically being a former God and the shoes being much too large for Izuku to fill as he was now. Perhaps when he was older, wiser, and understood the world better though he had definitely seen more horrors and macabre displays than many of the hero graduates in this country. Izuku had more experiences in school than he had, had in the field practically and it troubled Hisashi to think of where this mind set had come from. That he needed to be like All Might…and what that was doing to him mentally.

Izuku had promised to attend the Halloween Party the last he had seen Sticker Bush and co. however, he was beginning to regret the idea of going out. He didn't have their cell numbers so it wasn't like he could back out now and he didn't want to worry Hisashi anymore than he already had. He could see it in his eyes during breakfast, the worried glances sent his way over Hisashi's mug of coffee. Izuku did his best to make a show of feeling better, that venting had given him the rush of relief many claimed to run through them after a good cry; Izuku was still left waiting for it, yet not relief had come to grace him just yet. If anything it seemed him opening up to Hisashi had left him open to bitter thoughts that turned dangerous if lingered upon. He could feel his chest tightening in anticipation but he didn't know what for, the hair on his neck stood up warning him for something but he was left wondering what that something could be. It left him antsy and wishing he could pick up a shift without being penalized.

He found himself craving activity of any sort and opted for a walk before he needed to head over to the office for the Halloween Party, he didn't really have a costume and figured going in casual clothes would be costume enough as it was rare to see him at work in anything but his uniform. If felt nice outside, milder than he had expected given it was the end of October and Hisashi had recited horror stories of the weather getting crazy around this time of year. He didn't have a destination in mind, he wandered for a little while, taking in scenery and trying to shake the feeling prickling along his skin and keeping him on edge.

There was a sudden pop, and a building nearby exploded outward, flames licking at the surroundings and screams pouring out in mass like a choir. Izuku's hand jerked towards his phone tucked safely in his pocket when a strange feeling crawled up his spine and the action to notify the agency was halted in favor of dashing ahead towards the disaster. It wasn't like that time long ago with Kacchan, this was different, another need propelling him forward and from the way, his brain was reacting it was the wrong thing to trust. He could save people, he could save them with a wide smile and assure them that everything was going to be ok. Right now…

He wasn't anything like a hero. There was a drive, a will to do _something._ It was terrifying yet at the same time, the feeling was euphoric as he neared the display of entropy, a mantra pounding in his head linking back to the first terrifying thought that had born into his heart. An opportunity had presented himself, and something inside him wanted to take full advantage of it.

 _I shouldn't have been born._

A selfish thought, a selfish wish; Izuku had, had a good life, he had, had close family and dear friends. He had no reason to long for a death, a life cut short; but if he could take it back, perhaps things would have been better for everyone. Maybe ending things now…they would get better for everyone because he wasn't there. There was power behind the thought as he stood before the inferno of molten metal and shattering glass descend upon him, there was a snap deep in his chest and finally, finally, relief.

He didn't keep his eyes open for very long, the wash of relief washing through him quickly only to be yanked backwards, his name screeched out at the top of someone's lungs, the relief soured into panic and he gasped as his eyes shout open to see his team, the friends he had made in uniform dragging him away from the hellfire falling from the rapidly collapsing building. He almost didn't recognize them out of costume but he did recognize his supervisor, staring at him in mild horror before she slapped him, demanding if he understood what he had just done. He'd jeopardized his and his teammate's safety, he'd willingly put himself into danger…he was going to let himself be killed. He had planned to kill himself, impulsive as it was, he had still thrown himself into the emergency, had acted selfishly; hadn't moved to save a soul.

Izuku was taken to the agency in a cop car, placed in her office, breathing stiltedly as his actions set in. His stomach churning dangerously as he tried to keep himself together, a thinly stitched together as he wasn't he didn't want to breakdown in front of his supervisor. A police officer was posted at the door and he could hear yelling outside, he wasn't a teenager anymore, he was an adult, a grown-up who should be able to grin and bear it all, he should be like Toshinori; but he couldn't. He found, much to his disgust, that the pooling regret was not at attempting to let himself be crushed and burned to death, but that he had failed at it, his mind reeling with alternatives that made his stomach lurch at each new hissing plan oozing into him and filling him to the brim. A quiet sob cut the silence of her office and she entered, face a glowering irritation before it softened and she sat across from him.

 _"Izuku, how long have you been thinking about this?"_ she asked carefully and he shook his head,

"I don't know, it just sort of happened."

 _"Izuku, I can't understand you, could you please speak English. Or try too, Hisashi is on his way to come get you…but I am afraid I am going to have to suspend your license until your mental health improves."_

 _"I understand."_

 _"I won't say I'm not angry because I am furious, but I can't say I haven't been where you are…I know it's stressful, and sometimes there is so much pressure building up that we feel we can't take it. I don't want to see you jeopardize anyone's safety or your own. The suspension will be issued to your Japanese branch as well."_ She finished as Hisashi burst into the room, eyes wide and disheveled. Izuku caved inward, he'd never seen so much fear in the man's eyes before, so much pain. He'd been briefed on the situation, rushing over from his commute home back to the office to retrieve Izuku, he was taken outside to be questioned, interrogated really if he had known, and he hadn't. He had known Izuku was suffering from anxiety, but not this, he hadn't known there was a drive in his son to do this. He accepted paperwork and phone numbers for therapists, recovery courses, and was given a mandatory time to bring Izuku in for psyche evaluation. In only a few short hours Hisashi had gone from understanding his son's pain a little better only to be thrust back into the dark, but he didn't press him, he didn't push him. They were escorted home, another cop car ride, Izuku balled up in the far corner of the back seat.

Hisashi didn't know what to say or do, he had been advised to not let Izuku out of his site until his psyche evaluation, watching for the young man to try again by some other means. He lead the young man into the apartment and let the silence bleed into the air, he didn't move, he didn't speak; he fell on the couch and stayed there, unmoving. Hisashi took his phone, slinking away to the other side of the living room, keeping Izuku in the corner of his eye and dialed Inko. She picked up immediately, bright and cheerful, expecting her son to greet her and Hisashi sobbed, the line going eerily quiet as he cried into it. There was no way to broque the subject of their son's attempted suicide via burning hellscape, the drive to end it propelling him into the collapsing horror.

"Hisashi…" she began softly, concern lacing her tone, "what's happened…?" she asked, he could hear the strain of crying in her voice.

"Inko, I'm so sorry. So sorry. I can't do this by myself. I need you and Toshinori…I need you to come here. Izuku's…he tried to kill himself. There was an accident downtown, a building exploded and collapsed, he just stood there. He just barreled into it and stood there…" Hisashi managed and Inko sniffled on the other end, hiccupping sobs reaching his hear and a man's voice cut in.

"Inko? What's wrong? Inko…Izuku?" the voice came in and out and he knew it to be Toshinori, the warm tone filling quickly with concern and panic. There was a shuffling and Toshinori was speaking to him, authority and command in his breaking voice

"We'll be there as soon as we can. We'll take the next flight out." He stated, Hisashi made a noise of affirmation and the call ended. Izuku hadn't moved, and neither did he, leaning again the wall staring at the young man like he would vanish the moment he blinked. He didn't think he would sleep tonight, or for a long time to come.


	4. Chapter 4

**The rating is up because Suicidal thoughts and actions are taken to attempt Suicide have occurred and they will talk about regularly from this point on, however it is done as a way for Izuku to try and recover. This is a _trigger warning_ , it's not a usual way to try but he still does _try._ Please be mindful. I don't want to upset anyone but this chapter has been in the works since the last update, I put a lot of thought into the situation, I'm sorry.**

* * *

Hours blurred together, Izuku didn't feel like moving from his spot on the couch, he didn't feel like eating or even drifting off, images of fire and the action he'd wanted to fulfill burned into his brain, screeching and leering at him in disgust if he began to drift off to the sanctuary of sleep. Hisashi wouldn't sleep either, hovering between the living room and kitchen, refilling his coffee mug. The TV was left off to keep the incident out of the air, but unspoken it sat like a heavy stone in their chests, Hisashi waiting for reprise in the form of his Ex-wife and her husband.

14 hours of waiting in silence, the thrum of an old coffee maker pulling overtime as Hisashi kept himself awake with caffeine and dark thoughts. How could he have told Inko if Izuku had been able to kill himself? Could he have faced her for the funeral, would he have been blamed? Somehow letting his son suffer mentally because he hadn't taken notice of his pain quick enough; Hisashi didn't eat out of fear he'd end up throwing it back up, he was afraid to leave his son alone. Like he'd try again, this time through an apartment window, an image that haunted him as he poured another mug of coffee and a loud knock startled him into dropping mug into the sink. He turned and hurried to the door, relief beginning to sprout, and another knock this one almost threatening to break the door at its hinges. There was a soft call and Hisashi pulled the door open quickly, greeted by a thin, wiry man with blood dribbling down his chin and a fire in his eyes.

"Yagi! Yagi calm down…" Inko cried, appearing at his side with a pant, both looked half-dead from jetlag and worry, Inko looked ready to burst into a fresh set of tears when she met Hisashi's gaze.

"Where is- Where's Izuku?" she warbled, eyes filling to the brim with more tears and he let them in, Toshinori breathing hard as he braced himself on the wall of the entryway and Inko made her way into the living room, a sharp cry ripping out of her throat as she hurried over to her son. Toshinori's shoulders shook, Hisashi watching as the man who'd once been Humanity's hope cry softly. He could see him try to catch himself but once one sob bubbled up, many followed; Hisashi could only stare, looking between Toshinori and Inko as she held Izuku in her arms and cried, Izuku held onto her tightly, like a lifeline; Hisashi felt his stomach twist at the sight. It was a tasteless thought, but he couldn't help but think back to the day his son had been born, how much Inko had cried holding such a small thing, screaming into their ears…how Hisashi had felt what everyone had expected him as a father…

It seemed that perhaps Toshinori felt what he lacked, the missing piece that would have made him a better father in the end, and maybe could have prevented him from being absent from his son's life. He loved the boy, yes, but if someone had asked him if he was ready all those years ago he knew his answer would still be the same, no. Izuku had been born and he hadn't felt that rush of paternal connection, he didn't feel like a father, and it shouldn't be almost losing his son, 21 with the world at his fingertips, to inspire him to feel like a father. Toshinori had only been a part of Izuku's life for a few years, but he could see it, the shake of his shoulders and tremble of his chin; he felt the same as Toshinori in this moment, the overwhelming panic and burdening guilt, thinking it was your fault he'd wanted to die. That they'd failed as parents and had inadvertently been the ones to push him towards this outcome.

Inko's cries quieted after what felt like ages, crippling sobs becoming soft whispers and a lullaby as she rocked her son slowly, kissing him every moment she could, fingers combing his messy, green curls; she'd almost lost the one person who had been a constant, the being she'd given birth to and raised for 21 years. She called him by a nickname, something endearing and sweet while he clung to her, whispering apologies through choked sobs and blubbering sniffles. Hisashi tore himself away to face Toshinori, breathing finally evening out as he reigned himself in, he becomes stronger before Hisashi's eyes, someone Inko could support herself on, something Hisashi had barely been.

"…would you like some coffee?" he asked after a beat of silence, pulling the taller man from his somber thoughts at the sight of his wife and step-son huddled together on the floor, drowning in regrets and tears.

"…thank you, that would be great." Toshinori nodded and Hisashi lead him into the kitchen, pouring the man a mug of coffee before pouring himself another, he gestured to the small dining area and Toshinori collapsed into one of the chairs, his weight barely scooting the chair as he did so. He clasped the mug in his hands, large and calloused while Hisashi sat opposite him, letting an uneasy silence form. It remained that way for a long moment, minutes ticked by and Toshinori choked on a sob, Hisashi watching his resolve crack again as the other squeezed his mug tightly.

"…Do you know why he'd- Why Izuku would try to do that…? I keep trying to think of why and I can't-" his voice wavered as he spoke, shadows hiding his eyes in the low lighting of the room, piercing blue dim and clouded with tears.

"…I have an idea…he showed signs of extreme anxiety the other day but I couldn't have known it was this bad, that it went deeper than just a fear of expectations unmet. Inferiority…calling himself a parasite...I didn't think it would lead to something like this." Hisashi mumbled softly, Toshinori stiffened and sank deeper into the chair, strength draining out of him with a shaky sigh.

"I see…of course, of course, It would be something like this…" Toshinori murmured softly, prompting Hisashi to look at him with a question loaded on his tongue only for the other man to stop him.

"My health has been on the decline…my Hero days catching up with me. I'm sure Izuku explained part of his quirk by now, how he inherited it from me…he takes it from me slowly, little by little as he gets stronger." A short chuckle, laden with pride

"It made me so proud to see him grow into the man he's become, my strength may be waning but it didn't make me any less proud of him…with my health being as it is…I assume he's shouldering the blame for it." Toshinori murmured, closing his eyes tight and breathing deeply.

"He feels that he can't live up to your name." Hisashi blurted, Toshinori's eyes shooting open to look at him in shock

"Did you ever tell him, he didn't have too?" Hisashi demanded lowly, he didn't want to pick a fight right now, but he couldn't help the anger he began to feel towards Toshinori.

"Your health is your own doing and because of your mistakes Izuku felt he had to end it to get away, I can't help but feel my blood boil now, looking at you. Acting the way you are…proud of him yet driving him to tears because he can't be you!" Hisashi snapped, standing abruptly and slamming his hands on the table, Toshinori's mouth hanging open as if he were going to defend himself, but no words came.

"I understand the drive to have a successor but did you ever think about what it would do to him mentally? If you're going to die when he takes that last bit from you, did you ever tell him the risks? Assure him it would be ok? Did you just accept your own morality while he worried himself into a corner about it!?" he demanded, voice growing tight.

"Hisashi, enough. Izuku's asleep, let's not wake him." Inko croaked, entering the kitchen, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. He glared at her through tears

"How can you defend his actions…? Izuku about killed himself because of this- This problem, your husband's life choices about cost you, your son! Cost me my son!" he snarled and she stepped forward, placating the man with a gentle hug.

"I'm angry too, but not at Toshi, I'm not going to throw blame at any one person, we all had a role in this…I failed just as much as he did and just as much as you did. You're his father too…no one is truly blameless in this situation. We should have been talking to him more about Toshi's health. Should have set up grief counseling for what he was feeling, should have picked up that he was hiding more than just what we could see on the outside. I'm his mother, I should have seen more…but I didn't. You didn't see it either…Toshi didn't see it…we're all at fault, and now we're going to deal with it as best as we can." Inko explained, pulling back to hug herself and look to Toshinori, who met her gaze with an apologetic frown.

"I know of a counselor, they helped me through some trying times after my injury had me losing myself. I took not being able to save the day, save as many people pretty hard…and I let it get to me sometimes. I think she'd help. Help Izuku understand there's more to it than just being a symbol or figurehead…that he's worth more than any title we could give him…" Toshinori murmured. Hisashi slumped into a chair and rested his head in his hands

"You're going to take him back to Japan?"

"I think it would be best right now if we could take him home and have him surrounded by familiar people…we've been in contact with some of his friends not swamped with hero work, they agreed to check on him when we can't." Inko explained, taking a seat next to Toshinori. Hisashi frowned

"Why can't you stay with him?"

"...Toshi has been having a hard time…I think it would upset Izuku more to be around him right now, the cold weather messing up his lungs and he's prone to more coughing fits. If Izuku is struggling because of Toshi's health then it's not a good idea to keep him cooped up with us. His apartment is the best place for him, and his friends will make sure he's ok." Inko continued and Hisashi felt another flicker of anger.

"You're choosing his health over your own son's?" the words slipped out before he had a chance to stop him, Toshinori looked dangerous as the word's settled in, eyes bright and fierce while Inko looked mortified.

"I would. Never. Pick someone over my son." She grunted an expression he'd never truly seen on her coming to light. She was strong, not the meek little woman he'd known years ago, she'd grown strong.

"I am doing what I believe is best for him, I will not force him to hear his step-father suffer while he tries to get better. I won't do that to him." She spat sternly, hands folding together and Toshinori wrapped an arm around her, squeezing gently before her exhaustion bled into her. Her shoulders sagged and she leaned into his touch, eyes going heavy as she struggled to keep them open. The discussion was over, Izuku's visit was over, and there was no more room for protest.

They packed his things, a short rest spent in the living room trying to find some peace before returning to Japan with Izuku. His hero uniform had been stored back in its case and was tossed into Toshinori's suitcase, keeping it out of sight of Izuku. Hisashi felt his chest tighten as they took his bag to rest by the door while they woke him, they had gotten the earliest flight back to Japan and would be leaving soon. They had a meal, he didn't know what to call it as it was dark outside from being early in the morning and no one had really truly slept, waking and still feeling restless. Izuku looked worse for wear, almost sickly as he picked at leftovers from the fridge. Inko and Toshinori barely ate anything, silently exchanging looks with each other and worried glances at their son.

Hisashi ate what he could and soon the time came for their departure, Inko and Toshinori hovering in the doorway as Izuku bid him goodbye.

"I'm sorry things were cut short…I want to come back. When I'm better and not a mess…" he forced out a breathy chuckle and Hisashi hugged him tight

"You're not a mess…you're a good man who just needs a little help right now, nothing to be ashamed of." Hisashi breathed and Izuku nodded slowly, squeezing the older man tightly and sniffling.

"I promise, I'll visit again, next time will be better…I'll be better." Izuku assured and Hisashi smiled wide, nodding in agreement.

"…Hisashi-…Dad." Izuku smiled weakly and bowed his head, Hisashi's eyes going wide at the title.

"Thank you for letting me stay here, and being so understanding."

"The pleasure was mine, thank you for keeping me company, Izuku." He patted his shoulder affectionately

"Don't hesitate to call or skype or whatever." Hisashi offered and Izuku nodded again, a noise of affirmation.

"Ok. I won't. See you around?" he asked and turned to leave, keeping his gaze on Hisashi.

"Yeah, see you around." He acknowledged and Izuku shut the door behind him, facing his mother and Toshi. He didn't really feel any better about what he'd done, nor did he feel any different towards Toshinori, his chest still felt tight and loaded, ready to burst at a moment's notice. The cab ride to the airport was spent in tense silence, and the plane fared no better. Inko and Toshinori clung to each other, hands intertwined always as they silently shared thoughts and feelings through a connection Izuku had yet to have found in another person. He could feel their eyes on him every so often, whether it was waiting in the terminal or on the actual plane, if he looked elsewhere their eyes were on him the next second as if he'd disappear right before their eyes. It made it hard to face them or look at them, knowing that he was the reason for their sudden trip back and forth.

Touching down in Japan gave him a brief rush of joy that was quickly soured with the memory of his suspension, a red mark next to his name. He wouldn't be doing hero work for a while as he worked to improve his mental health, it definitely important but all the same he still wished he could just throw himself back into work and not think about it. That wasn't how things were going to pan out, however, as he knew if he checked his status a bright red, 'Suspended' would appear on his file and prevent him from logging any work or even clocking into his agency. They walked together, a little group of three into the terminal in the late evening, looking as exhausted as they felt.

"Midoriya!" there was a loud call of his name and he looked up, startled when a flash of red and white caught his attention. Todoroki was looking him over worriedly, stuck in an awkward gesture as if he felt compelled to hug him or just stand his ground. Izuku blinked slowly, a slight frown crossing his face

"Todoroki…? Why are you….?"

"Have you been waiting here all day my boy?" Toshinori asked, surprise evident in his tone of voice.

"Yes, when you contacted me initially I prepared to come then but was informed your flight wouldn't arrive until today, I waited here just in case you arrived early…" he trailed off, looking back to Izuku with a warm, lopsided grin.

"It's good to see you again…I'd pester you about your trip but you look like you could use some rest." He offered, Inko and Toshinori sighed with relief and nodded in unison. Izuku still partly stunned and confused as to why Todoroki had come to greet them. They retrieved their luggage and Todoroki helped them pick up a taxi, it was strange to hear his surroundings once again be in a language he didn't really have to put thought to deciphering; Izuku noted that Todoroki had a bag when everything was set out on the curb and Izuku's stomach lurched as it occurred that Todoroki was there because of him. Of course, he would know, he had his own branch to manage, any suspension would go through to any branches in operation; Todoroki was here to keep tabs on him, make sure he didn't try again…

It wasn't really a comforting thought, normally he would be excited Todoroki was there, having not had time to even catch up over coffee; but he was here because Izuku had tried to do something terrible, he would probably launch into something the moment they were alone. He had gotten good about speaking his mind freely and still had that bluntness to him that meant he wouldn't beat around the bush either. His parent's apartment was their first stop, his being a few blocks away after theirs at the end of a side street, they could walk but it was chilly and late, and if he was being honest with himself he didn't think he could move a muscle unless it was to get into his apartment and fall into bed. Todoroki helped his parents retrieve their things from the trunk and they waved, Izuku smiling weakly before Todoroki piled back in and directed the driver to the next address.

Izuku braced himself for the inevitable, waiting for that biting tone to turn on him, the cold stare demanding why he'd done it or risked his dream because he had a moment of insanity. Izuku wanted to curl up and make himself as small as possible as if trying to minimize the area of injury he would receive from his longtime friend. It never came though, the taxi pulled out in front of his building and both clambered out, Izuku feeling dazed and wary of the other who took his bag without a word.

"You worry about getting the door open, I'll get these." Todoroki breathed, voice sounding tight and strained. It made Izuku's throat tighten and insides seize as he dug for his keys, leading them inside after the taxi had been paid for and bags had been gathered together, and his apartment was dark inside, about as cold as he would expect to be without the heat having been on. Todoroki dropped everything carefully to the side and stood erect, staring at Izuku. He grimaced, waiting for the shouting, the accusations to be thrown his way and for Izuku to be unable to answer them without crying, he already felt tears forming and suddenly, he was wrapped in another's arms. Todoroki pulling his close and squeezing him tight, an overwhelming warmth yet bristling cold; his shoulders shaking violently and quiet, stilted sobs. Izuku blinked, eyes going wide, he hadn't expected this not in a million years would he have thought Todoroki would react like this.

"…I'm sorry…" he blubbered softly and Todoroki shook his head vigorously

"Don't. You don't get to do that right now." He cried softly, Izuku hiccupped in response and hugged him tighter. He'd done this, hurt people he cared about because of his actions, people he loved.

"…Midoriya, why would you- I don't understand-" He was fumbling over his words and it made his chest squeeze in a way he was all too familiar with.

"I don't know…I don't know at all." He croaked and pulled back as Todoroki wiped his eyes and tried to calm down, he'd told the truth but it didn't sound convincing even to himself.

"I want to apologi-"

"You don't get to do that. You don't. You can apologize when you're ok...Not now when you might not even mean it."

"Todo-"

"You tried to kill yourself Izuku! The file came through my work and I- I didn't know how to feel or what to do…You're one of my best friends…I didn't see that this was happening, you didn't tell me! After everything you did for me in High school, you couldn't tell me you felt like this…?" he asked softly as a fresh set of tears began to form. Izuku balked at the use of his first name, stunned into silence at his friend's outburst, heartfelt and raw.

"…I was scared…of admitting it…to everyone…to myself." Izuku managed and Todoroki listened, gaze intense.

"Scared of what?"

"…I don't know." Izuku cried chest seizing and threatening to choke the air from his lung. Todoroki hugged him again, gentler and soft. Comforting heat enveloping as both began to sooth themselves out, it wouldn't do anyone any good to fight right now over something that had already occurred. Todoroki seemed to pick up on it too, pulling back and setting his bag next to the couch, letting a strained silence fall between them.

"I can make something if you're hungry." Izuku offered, not feeling hunger himself at the moment, but it was polite to offer. The crack in the thickening silence as he waited for Todoroki's answer, silently hoping for an out so he could escape to some other part of his home for a little while. Todoroki perked up with a frown,

"No thank you."

"Ah…are you sure…"

"You should rest Izuku." Todoroki chided making a palette for himself on the couch. Izuku could see how tired he was now, shoulder slumped forward and posture out of line.

"Well…the bathroom is over here if you want to shower or anything…" he explained, looking to the slightly ajar door leading to the bathroom. Todoroki nodded in response, wordlessly going about folding sheets into sofa cushions. Izuku got a spare comforter down from the hall closet and placed it on the end of the couch with Todoroki finished preparing his sleeping spot.

"…how long are you planning on staying?" Izuku asked, voice barely a whisper but Todoroki heard and turned to face him with a stern expression.

"As long as I need too. It's a serious matter and I don't think I could just sit by knowing this is going on. I took a short leave from my work. So I'll be helping you get to appointments and keeping you company." Todoroki stated and Izuku made a noise of irritation.

"You took leave!? Todoroki I'm capable of getting myself to appointments and back I don't need a chaperone, you shouldn't let me affect your wor-"

"Yaoyorozu stepping in, she's been helping me anyway so this is good practice for her if she wants to start a branch of her own." Todoroki cut him off and Izuku snapped back

"That doesn't fix it! I don't need you here 24/7, I'm not going to go jumping out of windows or hurt myself, I don't know what it was back in Chicago but I'm fine now."

"No, you're not. If you were fine you wouldn't have even tried. You wouldn't. You're not like that. Izuku…it's-" a pregnant pause as Todoroki worried his lip and clenched his fists into tight knots.

"It's ok to need help with this sometimes. It's ok to be upset, it's ok to _need_ to talk to someone. It took a long time for me to understand that, I didn't talk about my childhood to counselors until I was almost out of High School…you know this. Whatever is hurting you, it's ok to admit that it hurts so you don't end up like me." He pleaded softly. Izuku glared

"That's all well and good but that doesn't mean you have to keep an eye on me constantly…"

"Who's to say you won't try again?" Todoroki barked, startling the shorter man as his stomach twisted painfully in his gut.

"Wha…"

"Who's to say that the moment I leave you don't open your windows and take a swan dive out." Todoroki bit out, a shudder ran up Izuku's spine as his long-time friend tried to calm himself down. He could see it in his breathing, long, deep breaths trying to keep his temper down.

"Because I won't…"

"I don't know that. Your parents don't know that. You don't know that." Todoroki snapped and Izuku flinched.

"You don't know that you won't try again. I can't leave here knowing that you could try again…and that we'd lose you. Everyone wants to see you again…they missed you and I can't imagine it if you'd succeeded. A world without you…I don't want that, you're too important to me." Todoroki choked, trying to keep his voice even. Izuku hurled himself forward, limbs tangling as he stumbled into Todoroki and teeth clacking as mouths crashed into one another. It didn't last long, Todoroki shoving him away a moment later, eyes wide and breathless, staring at Izuku in what he could only assume was disgust. Izuku felt everything sink, nausea rushing through him as realization dawned on him of his own actions. He'd kissed Todoroki, he'd kissed the man he'd had feelings for, for a while now; Todoroki hadn't kissed him back, nor did he look pleased Izuku had done it.

"Oh…Oh I'm so sorry Todoroki…" his voice squeaked as he pulled back completely, hand running through his hair anxiously, he wanted to curl up somewhere and just disappear, how could he just do that. You don't kiss your best friend, it's not ok to throw yourself at them after something like this. His stomach was starting to clench, a dry heave escaping his as he plopped onto the floor, breathing was becoming a challenge. Hot tears were pooling and his lungs were refusing to take in air as his diaphragm stuttered inside him. A wheezing exhale followed by a choking inhale, eyes forward as he hid his face, pressing his forehead to the fake hardwood of his apartment floor.

A soft hand was pressed against his back and he cringed, another dry heave wracking through his system, he was disgusted with himself. Forcing himself on his best friend like that…Todoroki rubbed soothing circles as Izuku's stomach continued to spasm, he partly thought he'd start spitting up stomach acid if this continued, the dry heaving keeping sobs in as he sat there crumpled on his floor.

"Izuku. You don't get to do that right now either. Not while you're emotions are all over." Todoroki soothed quietly, Izuku taking in another strained breath.

"…you can try again when things are better, when you're ok. When we don't have to worry." He continued pulling Izuku out of his fetal position on the floor and tilting his chin to get him to look at Todoroki properly, the smile the other man had was soft and caring though a little off. He could see clear-cut worry in his eyes but Izuku let the words sink in as he stared open mouthed at the other.

"…try again…?" Izuku croaked. Todoroki nodded slowly before helping Izuku up and leading him to the kitchen, he gave Izuku a glass of water and insisted he drink most of it to keep hydrated before letting the shorter slink back to his room and collapse into bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**The rating is up because Suicidal thoughts and actions are taken to attempt Suicide have occurred and they will talk about regularly from this point on, however it is done as a way for Izuku to try and recover. This is a _trigger warning_ , it's not a usual way to try but he still does _try._ Please be mindful. I don't want to upset anyone but this chapter has been in the works since the last update, I put a lot of thought into the situation, I'm sorry.**

* * *

There was no such thing as a quick fix it seemed that was something Izuku had been informed of during his first counseling session with Dr. Nagai who was kind and understanding but a realist no less. Izuku had been hoping for a short-term treatment, Nagai had shot that down the moment he implied it was what he hoped for, eyes narrowing just the slightest as she looked through his records and asked him questions about his mental health and childhood. Background data to collect, patterns to assess to see if this anxiety had always been there, Izuku knew deep down that perhaps he'd always been overly anxious but hearing someone else state it back to him made his stomach twist painfully. He had managed thus far, it shouldn't be a big deal but he knew better than to press it. She could see the suspension and cause for it, she knew why he was here and it didn't do him any good to lie or play it off. Though he really wished he could at this point, the first session left him exhausted, even though they hadn't even brushed on his attempted suicide or feeling inadequate compared to who Toshinori had been in his better days. Dr. Nagai had stated they were building to it, and that next session they would more than likely delve into the subject whether he was prepared or not. The last part almost sounding like a threat.

He wanted to tell her the threatening tone fell on deaf ears but opted to flee the office once he'd signed out; Todoroki was waiting in the lobby, thumbing through a pamphlet on mental wellness. The bright orange, sunny color hurt Izuku's eyes to focus on, he didn't like the smiling people on the front either. It felt too happy for what the pamphlet was trying to help with,

"I just finished up," he began making sure he caught the other man's attention "Do you want to go out for lunch?" he asked once he made eye contact with Todoroki who nodded. It was better than returning to the apartment and feeling trapped in his own living room, Todoroki didn't let him in the kitchen, and the knives were now locked in a drawer that Izuku wasn't allowed access too. He felt like his whole apartment has been child proofed and it was beginning to grind on his already frayed nerves. His high school friend and person of interest has only been staying there for three days and the welcome already felt over stayed. Izuku was exhausted, he didn't like the overreaction or the sudden lack of sharp objects in his home. He couldn't even locate a pair of scissors to cut a tag from a new sweatshirt his mother had brought over and had to ask Todoroki to cut the tag lose when in that time he could have just ripped the damn thing off.

Todoroki was treating him like a child in all honesty and that was not a mood booster, kissing one of your best friends and immediately being down-graded to being treated like a child who didn't understand things were dangerous was a mood killer, a mood _devastator_. Whatever positivity he had left in him was reserved for Inko and Toshinori when they called or Inko dropped in, which had only happened once so far but he knew better than to assume it would be the last. Todoroki also didn't let him do housework and it showed he barely knew how to do it either. Izuku was more than fed up, he appreciated every gesture deeply but having his washing machine spit out foam onto the floor was not his idea of an evening in. Izuku was confined to his couch and his body was beginning to build with nervous, unspent energy than manifested in tapping his feet or bouncing his leg as he tried to be invested in local hero news, Kacchan still sweeping through an unforeseen crime wave. He'd snagged Todoroki's spot in 4th on the hero board, he stomach felt tight as he watched the interview. Knowing full well the reason behind Todoroki's sudden break in hero work, Kacchan commenting smugly as he insinuated that Todoroki was crumbling under media pressure. Izuku had half a mind to meet up with Ochako and tell her husband to calm down before he knocked him into next year.

It wasn't right for Todoroki to lose rank because of Izuku, and it sure as Hell wasn't Kacchan place to speak for the former number 4 hero.

"I want to see Ochako." He blurted, halfway through lunch, thinking back to the special report he'd watched this morning as he had waited for counseling, Kacchan's smirk subdued but still ever present as he proverbially got his cake and ate it too. He had surpassed most of the graduating class already, all that remained was Izuku and he was suspended. Todoroki looked over the rim of his glass, slightly surprised but set it to the side and smiled passively.

"We've got time to stop by, she's not working as of right now so she should be home. If we finish up here quickly I can send her a text and we can have dinner with her and Bakugo." Todoroki explained softly, making the other's chest squeeze for a different reason that was much more pleasant compared to previous months.

"That reminds me, why isn't she working?" Izuku asked, pushing some of his lunch back and forth on his plate. Todoroki waved him off,

"Nothing serious, she just wanted to take some time off is all. She was overworking herself and it was recommended she take a break." Todoroki replied smoothly, not even missing a beat. Like it was rehearsed. Izuku frowned, curiosity bleeding in and peaking his interests

"But unless she was picking up more shifts than she was allowed, how could Ochako be overworked?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself, if you finish up we'll see her in about an hour." Todoroki gruffed, gesturing to Izuku's barely touched meal. At the time of ordering he had felt ravenous, but in the process of thinking back to this morning's interview and Kacchan's demeaning tone…what would they say if they knew? Kacchan had told him once in middle school to just jump…would he be some sort of disgusted mix of disappointment and resentment he had tried to do it now when he held such a high ranking…when his life was better than many others…when he had such a strong quirk.

"..-uku? Hey, are you listening?" Todoroki tapped his shoulder gently, causing the shorter to startle.

"Oh, Sorry…no," he admitted sheepishly "What were you saying Todoroki?"

"I was asking if you felt ok, you're not eating. Are you sure you're up for visiting Ochako?" he repeated gently, flashing him a soft smile. Izuku nodded earnestly

"Of course I am! I just kind of got lost thinking to myself…and I guess I realized I wasn't in the mood for eggs." He pushed the sliced portion of omelet around and avoided Todoroki's scrutinous gaze before the taller stood with a huff.

"We'll miss the train at this rate, we should go." He explained and Izuku followed willingly, stomach rolling and brain feeling fuzzy, oddly numb and distant from what he normally felt. The train station and ride became a seamless blur, dozing off somewhere between Tokyo and the outer prefectures, only waking up when Todoroki roused him and helped lead him off the train in his rather dazed and sleepy state. Everything was still a little foggy even as the approached Bakugo's residence, an oddly cute apartment complex that looked like it belonged to someone rather than a corporation of sorts like his mother's place. Todoroki could see the wheels turning rapidly now and he chuckled

"Yeah, surprising right? I've been here once and it's still mind-boggling that they chose to live in such a quaint location, away from Bakugo's agency too by a good hour commute." Todoroki explained as he pressed the buzzer, letting Ochako know they were here. All the while Todoroki looked rather smug like he was in on something Izuku wasn't and it irked him slightly until Ochako answered the main door to the complex in a huff, brown floof and wide smile.

"Deku! Back from America already huh? Miss us much!?" she demanded cheerfully and Izuku grinned excitedly, moving to hug her in greeting

"OchakoooOHMyGod!? You're pregnant!?" he looked at Todoroki and the woman in question as they both burst into a fit of laughter. Placing her hands on her rounded hips and proudly showing her baby bump through a Plus Ultra sweatshirt with a smirk.

"Duh, like I'd take a break from hero work just because I felt like it."

"How-? W-when did-?"

"Deku, come inside, jeez, your acting like you're surprised Katsuki and I are having a baby….oh wait, that is surprising isn't it?" she teased lightly and lead them upstairs, Izuku was speechless, plopping onto the couch as she slowly eased back into a love seat with a heavy sigh

"I can't believe you didn't tell him, Todoroki," she began with a snicker, "I thought he knew when you said you were coming to visit."

"I thought the reaction would be funny for the both of us." He replied with a wry smile, Izuku blinked finally and pinched the bridge of his nose

"You were pregnant during the wedding weren't you?" he asked softly and Ochako nodded.

"Wasn't really part of the life plan but, Katsuki is surprisingly excited and happy, I caught him looking over at baby clothes the other day, he was looking for a onesie of his costume but wouldn't admit it!" she giggled and clapped her hands jovially. Izuku grinned softly,

"I'm happy for you two, how far along are you then?"

"About 6 months coming up, Doctor speculated I was maybe 3ish months along and just wasn't showing symptoms and I always equated nausea to my quirk and thinking I'd just over done it. Turns out, it was a baby but y'know, can't go wrong with that I guess. A few years earlier than planned but Katsuki is very happy, just bad at showing it outwardly around others." She hummed thoughtfully, hand idly rubbing along her stomach and Izuku nodded slowly. He was happy for them, he could see it in her demeanor that she was excited, and the various bobbles scattered around showed that Kacchan was excited too as many of the items he didn't think Ochako would buy in a million years; but of course, even in this positive atmosphere his stomach clenched and throat grew tight. He couldn't confide in Ochako, she shouldn't have to deal with any burdens right now, not when she and her husband were expecting their first child. Ochako hummed softly, perking up with a curious look

"Ah, that reminds me, why did you come back so early, I thought you were staying until the end of November?"

"...Ah well…" Izuku frowned, a slow rising anxiety building in the pit of his stomach as he tried to think of some sort of excuse,

"Toshinori's health took a turn." Todoroki provided smoothly. Izuku's gaze shot to him and Ochako gasped

"I'm so sorry Izuku, I shouldn't have asked, Ahh!" she cupped her cheeks, "I should have been more considerate but I guess that would be the reason you would come home so quickly. Let's change topics, how was America? Your dad?" she asked quickly forcing a weak smile that relieve some of the budding pressure in his gut.

"America was great, I'm going to miss their work system, its' so much nicer there then it is here." He breathed, leaning back and looking at the ceiling with a soft grin.

"Hisashi was nice, very patient and accommodating, I got my messy mass of hair from him, it was almost as bad as mine," he chuckled lightly, returning to rest his elbows on his knees and twiddle his thumbs, "I think I'm going to miss him more than I initially thought, but I don't think he has plans to return to Japan ever," Izuku explained quietly. Ochako nodded, a polite smile and kind eyes,

"It sounds like you had a good time though, that's good…right?" she asked, searching his expression. He suddenly felt too open, that his walls were down and they shouldn't be.

"Yeah, I had a good time." He managed, the walls going up quickly and a broad smiling pulling at his face, Ochako's smile faltered and she turned to Todoroki with an almost questioning gaze. Izuku quickly turned the subject to the baby, and if she was planning on doing a shower or an announcement; she grinned.

"We're doing the gender reveal at the baby shower here in a few weeks, you should come! I know it's like a girlish thing to celebrate but I can't imagine you not being there, I even put it off until I knew you would be back!" she chimed happily, making his heart tug awkwardly in his chest. Ochako had been a rock for him in high school, his best friend, the person he lamented too when he'd realized he had a crush on Todoroki and was subsequently, as she put it, a very Bi-boy.

"That's exciting! How are you going to do it?" Izuku asked softly, easing into the new topic effortlessly,

"Cake! Oh, I want it to be a little boy so much! Can't you imagine a little Katsuki floating around? Goodness, I hope I can get him a little more mild-mannered if it's a boy." She sighed dreamily, causing both men to chuckle at her antics.

"What about Bakugo? A boy as well?" Todoroki asked, Ochako smirked and raised her eyebrows,

"No, we are a house divided, he wants a little girl, I think he wants a little heroine to spoil." She snickered and Izuku smiled warmly. He could see the little girl more than the little boy being something Ochako could handle effortlessly, a mini-Kacchan made him a little nervous actually. There was a comfortable conversation after that, catching up on hero talk and how everyone was doing, apparently, Mineta got in trouble for groping again though not surprising. Time suddenly began to fly with the conversation taking a more pleasant air until Kacchan straggled in with takeout,

"Babe! I got the Chinese you wanted, you still wanted that right?" he called from the entryway and Ochako squealed, hefting herself up to greet him.

"Ahhh! Honey! You're the best, Sweet and sour pork? Yes! I've been craving that all day!" her jovial voice carried into the living room as Izuku and Todoroki prepared to take leave of their home. It was getting late and they could make dinner back at Izuku's apartment anyway; Bakugo noted their presence as his wife excitedly, albeit hurriedly, began to lay their dinner our on a small table in the kitchen. He didn't feel like overstaying his welcome, Ochako perked up as they made their way to the door.

"You're not going to stay for dinner? I had Katsuki get extra!" she protested and Izuku smiled sheepishly,

"I don't want to impose, just keep it as leftovers, less cooking or dishes you need to worry about when you're so busy." He placated, avoiding Bakugo's gaze as they slipped on their shoes. Todoroki hovering by the door as Izuku pulled on his jacket.

"…how was America, Deku?" he asked after a strange pause, Izuku's smile turned tense,

"It was good, my dad was surprisingly an ok guy." He replied; Bakugo nodded and smiled, a small one that looked more like a grimace,

"Glad you made it back." He supplied and Izuku's spine prickled and stomach dropped. They took their leave and Izuku's head was swimming again, they were only a few feet away from the complex when he whirled on Todoroki, a fury building in his gut he didn't know what to do with.

"You told Kacchan!?" he demanded fists clenching tight, "You told him about what happened in America!? Why?" he continued, stalking towards the other man.

"…Midoriya, I didn't do it to hurt you." He began but Izuku cut him off.

"You come in and take over my home, you won't let me do things on me own, AND you tell Kacchan I tried to kil-" a sharp, sucking breath "T-tried to kill myself! What kind of help do you think you're giving me!?" Izuku choked out.

"Midoriya, I told Bakugo because I didn't know what to do. I was scared, he'd known you longer than I did and…I needed help." Todoroki frowned softly and Izuku pulled his hair angrily.

"That doesn't give you a right to tell Kacchan!" Izuku snarled, eyes flooding with tears as his diaphragm began to stutter and struggle to keep his lungs breathing.

"I didn't. He figured it out, Midoriya; he's a smart man. You know that the moment I began asking for advice about a friend who'd attempted suicide he guessed…Izuku, he cried." Todoroki murmured, sending a shockwave through the smaller, tears dribbling down as he stared wide-eyed. Kacchan…rarely cried, he had always been very headstrong and driven, it was rare to see him cry…to hear he'd brought an old friend to tears.

"I made…I made Kacchan cry…Katsuki?" Izuku sobbed, Todoroki nodded,

"He tried to hide it but by the end of the call he was struggling to hide his sobs…he said that once in middle school he'd told you to kill yourself. Hearing you attempted it, upset him because I think maybe he thought that it was his words that had stuck with you. I assured him something deeper was going on but I think you scared him. Even if he doesn't show it he cares about you, you're an old friend, right?" he cooed softly, drawing closer to Izuku who fell into the taller as Todoroki hugged him.

"…as for not letting you live in your own home really, I'm scared. I've heard of so many ways people try and I'm terrified that if I leave you alone for one moment I'll come back and…you'll be hurt or dying." Todoroki let out a shuddering breath. Izuku sniffled,

"I'm not going to try anything, not when I know so many will miss me," He mumbled, "it wouldn't be right."

"It should be more than the people around you! You should want to live, you should want to see each new day! It shouldn't be the sadness of others or the thought of hurting them that keeps you going, it should be a drive to see them again! To meet Ochako's child, to wake up next to someone and be happy! Izuku, that's what you should be striving for, not just a clean bill of health to get back to work…" Todoroki pleaded, tears welling up in dual colored eyes.

"It shouldn't be a fear of guilt that keeps you going, it should be something better than that, it should never be-" Izuku cut him off, taking his hands into his

"I know! I know, I do have more than that, I want all of those things but sometimes that's not enough! Sometimes I need to feel guilty…I need a wakeup call or something to startle me out of those thoughts…sometimes the idea of happiness…fuels the idea that I should die…I'm hurting people by suffering and that maybe they'll be better off if I'm…gone." Izuku managed, Todoroki balked eyes going wide.

"Every day I'm reminded Toshinori isn't getting better, I'm reminded of the pressure I put on you, on Kacchan now too. My mother's face as she broke down…all of it, I can't have a moment's peace because those thoughts creep up on me. You dropped rank because of me, something you worked so hard for!" Izuku cried softly,

"I've done nothing but burden those around me and I hate it! I hate not being able to do things around me home, I don't want to be a burden, I want to get better but I need to do things on my own still…I want you near, I want you to stay close just in case I fall back into that mindset but for the love of God Shouto let me do something! Let me cook, let me clean, let me live in my home…I need to stay busy." Izuku sobbed angrily as Todoroki carefully placed his hands on Izuku's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Izuku…I thought I was helping you, letting you step away from responsibilities. That obviously is not how I'm going to help you from now on, that's not how you will heal, it was wrong of me to assume otherwise…when we get back to your place I will put everything back and we can make dinner." He soothed and pulled Izuku close for a hug. The smaller squeezed him tightly and smiled,

"Thank you, Todoroki." He sighed into the embrace and the other frowned.

"What happened to Shouto? I think we can start dropping formalities all things considered."

"You keep switching between given and formal yourself!" Izuku protested, pulling away and heading towards the station.

"Ok, so let's pick, given or formal if you prefer formal we'll leave it at that," Todoroki explained, falling into step with Izuku who hummed softly.

"I do like how Shouto sounds…but then again people might assume we're together." He said hesitantly and Todoroki scoffed, a wry smirk playing on his lips.

"Izuku, we've kissed. I know you are processing a lot of emotions right now and that can't be easy but we have kissed Izuku and…I do like you. Let people make the assumptions they want too. When things begin to improve when you can smile without forcing it and trying to convince everyone that you're ok…I want to try. To be with you I mean." Todoroki managed sheepishly and Izuku smiled, still a little strained at the edges.

"Given names it is, I can't refuse an explanation like that and not sound like a jerk. Shouto, thank you." He breathed, the name sounded sweet on his tongue. The taller nodded and they returned to his apartment, the train ride back less numbing, in fact, it was partly exciting. Knowing full well the apartment would return to being livable and less child proofed since Shouto had agreed to allow access to things previously hidden. It was nice, being able to cook in his own kitchen with Todoroki helping him, he made a simple miso and rice, stomach still in knots from the confrontation about Kacchan while Shouto made soba. He made it warm compared to how he normally liked it but Izuku didn't think he could really handle cold noodles right then, thinking about the texture itself upset his already churning stomach.

"Maybe sometime this week I can make katsu for you, the way my mom makes it. She has a recipe for barbeque sauce I think you'll like." Izuku made small talk while he cut into a leek he feared would go bad soon, intending to add it to the miso.

"That sounds nice, we should probably go grocery shopping this week then." He offered and Izuku nodded, adding the chopped leek into the pot and stirring gently. Shouto hummed and stepped back from the noodles and opened the fridge, pulling a pitcher out and pouring two glasses.

"I made some tea, just a little sugar though." Shouto handed a glass to Izuku who took a sip gingerly.

"Ah, I didn't know you took your barley tea with sugar…?" he mumbled, slightly off-put by the hinted sweet after taste

"Just a little, it's how my mother takes it," Shouto replied with a slight smile as he took a sip of his own.

"We were out of green." He added after a moment's pause and Izuku sputtered into his tea with a short chuckle.

"I should have guessed, I typically don't have barley tea unless it's the summer time." He teased good-naturedly before taking a sample of the miso and humming

"It's done, so if the soba is ready we can eat," Izuku explained, grabbing bowls for the soup and rice and then a plate for the soba noodles. They moved to the table that served as the dining and ate slowly, they hadn't made any sort of protein besides the tofu in the miso but it was fine for just a small meal. Izuku's churning stomach calmed after a serving of miso and a few bites of rice, he'd attempted the soba but the texture even warm still made his stomach lurch for some odd reason. Shouto didn't seem to mind, he smiled and continued to eat, the small talk drying off in favor of the meal before cleaning up afterward.

"We should probably try to make more balanced meals in the future, that was a little heavy on the grains side." Shouto mused aloud as he dried the dishes Izuku handed him.

"Maybe we should go shopping tomorrow then? There's not a lot left in the fridge or pantry." Izuku mumbled, thinking to the groceries his mother had dropped off, worried they hadn't gone shopping yet. Shouto nodded as he put the last dish away and stretched

"Do you want to shower first or should I?" he offered and Izuku held up his hands in a friendly gesture

"You go ahead, I want to start the laundry, set your clothes outside the bathroom so I can toss them in." Izuku called as he heading to the small off shoot of his apartment where the washer and drier was contained as well as a small table for folding or ironing. It was odd but a great relief washed over him as he went about doing household tasks, it felt more like home that way, more than it had since his return anyway and his confinement to the couch. Izuku grabbed the discarded clothes and laundry hamper from his room and basked in the low hum of a shower, a soft drone to sooth his thoughts as he went about starting the washer and dragging out a broom, mop, and bucket. A thin layer of dust caked parts of his home and he would rather go without, setting to sweep and mop the place up to get it looking pristine.

Shouto returned from the bathroom toweling his hair and frowned, Izuku was mid-mopping the kitchen when he stopped, turning to look at Shouto who was glaring at the clock and then Izuku.

"It's a little late for chores Izuku, I understand starting the laundry but this can wait."

"I know, I just wanted the place to look better, we haven't had time to really get the dust off everything."

"Izuku, go take a shower, we can to this tomorrow." Shouto chided, removing the mop gently from his hands and pushing him gently out of the kitchen.

"I know I was just keeping busy till you finished and-" Izuku found himself cut off with a poke to his nose

"If keeping busy means mopping at nearly 9 pm then I'm afraid I'm going to have to revoke your privilege to the hall closet. It's time to wind down, don't stress over this, keeping busy doesn't mean odd hours cleaning. Go shower, we can clean the place up tomorrow and get groceries, ok?" he asked, waiting for a response. Izuku nodded begrudgingly and showered, scrubbing himself down and lathering his hair until he was satisfied. He dressed for bed and peaked into the living room, the other man was lounged on the couch, curled in a quilt; Izuku stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Would you maybe sleep in my room tonight?" he offered nervously, a cold chill running up his spine at the thought of the strange look Shouto might give him in return; however the other just nodded and pulled himself up. They were bundled moments later under quilts, limbs tangled together in a strange cuddle as they looked at each other closely. Shouto had faint dark circles under his eyes, a tiredness about him the Izuku wasn't used to seeing in him, a hand made its way to his cheek tentatively and cupped it, running over soft skin. Shouto smiled, hard lines melted away with the smile and in turn, Izuku's cheek was touched, a calloused thumb running over freckles tenderly. A comfortable silence filled the room as both drifted off, smelling of Izuku's almond butter shampoo while intertwining their bodies subconsciously in search of comfort and security.


End file.
